Anxiety. in Since OD is shutting down....

So I’m really feeling pretty down and Summer just started. My daughter went with her big to the park and the dollar store. She wasn’t home an hour and was crying because she was bored. I don’t know what the fuck we are going to do until next month. I am really worried I won’t be able to get her into that program and then we’ve had yet another Summer just sitting around being bored. I mentioned to her Dad today that I wanted to talk to him about some stuff without being judged or him making me out to be shit person where I got no response.

I shouldn’t be the only one responsible for making sure OUR child is entertained and taken care of but this is how it’s been for almost 6 years. I’m just so angry that my depression is taking over. I don’t even know what to say to try and stay positive. I can’t even schedule a counseling appointment because there’s no one to watch my kid so I could go. I completely understand why Mom’s end up taking their own lives. This is bullshit having zero fucking support dude.

My fault. Should have left it alone a month ago because having anything to do with him just brings me down. I get to listen to how he gets to have a job. A life. Move forward. We don’t. We get to just be stuck. I blame a lot of shit on him because he’s refused to be a Dad all this time. I don’t get to have a social life. I don’t get to move forward in any sense because of him. I’m to trust him but he’s done nothing but lie and is still doing it!

We went to my brother’s for awhile. Then got a couple of things at the store. I asked my brother if he thought the new job was under the table and he just said I’ll have to wait and see. It would be just my luck that it would be.

I’m not okay. I am so fucking lonely and angry that I don’t know what to do with myself. I wouldn’t wish this upon my worst enemy.