all we are is all i am in 2013-2014

I am a giant ball of PMS, one sore boob, and a period that's a few days late. I have no doubt that the enormous stress of moving reset my cycle and I don't think the allergic reaction to the ant bites helped, or the leap back into working out regularly. It's a sneaky bitch that flees if I get a good look at it, so I'm trying to ignore, but... /cue chain of anticipation prolonging onset omg just happen already

Last night I doubled the dose of Benadryl cream and then took a full dose of Benadryl pills and just sort of prayed I'd wake up in the morning, which I obviously did. The tingles and chills up my leg and the swelling stopped, although I was freezing as I fell asleep. The thermostat was on 78 but I had to get up for socks, long pants, and a sweatshirt in order to fall asleep. The swelling has reduced today, except around my toe where there are three bites on the joint, so it's mostly irritation-swelling than anything else. I have about ten lovely blisters over my foot. The weird chills and tingling that stopped abruptly at my knee make me wonder if maybe I should get an epipen. Or maybe if I get 50 bites or whatever, I'll just go straight to urgent care. Somewhere.

So I went thrift store shopping today with Krystel. She showed me her favorite stores around the neighborhood and was really disappointed when I didn't want to try on any wedding dresses at the consignment. She is a major talker, which is acknowledged by everyone, and doesn't seem to mind if all the input she gets is 'yes, uh huh, really, wow.' But as we were browsing clothes at the last store, she started talking about how she gives Aaron crap for being with a virgin when he was such a manwhore before and she's proud of him for staying with me anyway how he used to hit on her (not the story he told me, but whatever) and it was just kind of... really? Why are you telling me this? What part of your brain endorsed saying this? Browsing gave me an excuse to edge further and further away, until I was too far to continue with the but I'm really happy for you guys it's just...

The little snarky voice in my head taunts jealous jealous jealous and don't play pretend by shoving me in wedding dresses but I don't have quantitative proof of that and I really don't care enough to get any.

Unfortunately, I'm just PMSy and irate enough that the comments linger, and even though he came over tonight and finished rewiring my dryer (!!) and we had gratuitous cuddles, even past his bedtime since I was clearly out of sorts, I'm still just... off. There's a tension that I can't stretch or yoga or pounce out of my muscles, a metabolism that's mildly confused, a stomach that can't decide whether or not to bloat, a right boob that's considerably more tender than the left, and a spectrum of garbled emotional responses. Get your shit together, hormones.

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow I am going to run 4.5 miles, do some household chores, apply for a few jobs, and then go to a concert in my favorite city that we've had tickets for since May. And so help me, I better not have any of this confused energy or tension left after all that. Actually, on a roadtrip is the perfect time for my period to start. It would. Spiteful little bastard.

GOOD THINGS:

I ran 4.25 miles in an hour two days ago with only mild soreness afterward and I didn't even want to die! This is awesome! That's so much better than anything I managed in Athens! I don't know if it was the treadmill's regulating of the pace or the fact that I wasn't crawling over hills in dry air and car exhaust, or what, but it was a personal record!

I got a purple exercise ball at the last store for $1.99 that fits my chair! So now my bouncy ball chair is outside for when I talk on the phone on my balcony!

I got 4 cute shirts, one for church even, and the four with the ball only cost me $10 that I had in cash, so my bank account never felt the shopping spree!

When I finished yoga tonight and looked out the French doors, there was a perfect, 180 degree rainbow right outside stretching over the next building! And it tried to double! My camera wouldn't charge enough to take a picture, but Aaron magically drove up and got pictures just before it faded! And I found a penny earlier! I am drowning in promises!

I can do laundry now!

I WILL BE HAPPY DAMMIT