OMG hello. I am alive!
Excuse #1 for not writing for the last 11venty billion days: Maureen. Oh sweet sweet Maureen. When I found out about Mo, I was just…devastated. I first heard about it through [playing with light] via FB. And then I started investigating and read [hoops] entry about her with some info and then it was like, 7:55pm and I hadn't had dinner and I hadn't gone grocery shopping like I planned and no groceries and I was starving. So I got in the MINI and I went and did what any reasonably devastated person would do, I went and got a huge bag of fish tacos. It was Taco Tuesday, after all. ((hashtag: feelings taste amazing))
As I was driving, the crushing reality of Maureen's situation just overwhelmed me. I thought about Michael and sweet Layla and Shawn and how amazing of a person she is and it all got wrapped up in feelings about Tommy's Situation (which is also very bad and I have an update about this as well) and my own shitty situation and I was driving and I was a MESS. I was ANGRY. I was bitterly resentful about the unfairness of life and it was kind of self-indulgent sob fest pity party.
The next morning while my oatmeal was cooking, I attempted to write a piece about my feelings about the Maureen situation and I still have a draft of it and may share it soon. I spent that day OBSESSIVELY checking her FB page and here for any updates. You that know and love Maureen know exactly what I am talking about, because I'm sure you were doing it too. I intentionally spent an hour of intense meditation sending her the most healing and positive thoughts I could muster. I even did a Chi Chi, not only for her, but for my grood dear friend [Charmingly Neurotic] as well, who has also been going through a hellish health crisis with her Lyme disease. ((P.S. The Chi Chi was positive, thank god. I forget the number at the moment but it was a good one. My wish was granted.))
And then the updates about Maureen got more and more positive and miraculous and I think we as a community did a huge exhale. And I still had this lingering half finished draft of thoughts about Maureen (that was also kind of a love letter to all of you PB creepy stranger besties as well) and I knew I wanted to finish it and post my reading updates and tell you a MILLION other things that I have been thinking/feeling and as we know what happens with Next Week Syndrome…when I get overwhelmed like that I just shut down and write nothing.
Excuse #2: I have been feeling pretty down lately. June 23rd is when I posted the sad entry that talked about my rejection with the Arrowhead, on the same day I found out about Pam, and the next week after that, I was just really down. I could not muster the energy to throw myself back into job hunting. My days kind of blended together. The following weekend after that bad news, I went home to the Bay Area for my brother Greg's wedding weekend, which I wrote about in detail here.
I know I hung out with my friend Amparo on the Fourth of July and watched the fireworks over the city skyline at her boyfriend's clubhouse (he is in a motorcycle club, it was very….Sons of Anarchy). On July 5th, I went to the Padre's day game with my crazy friend Jenni and a bunch of our debaucherous friends ((it was a crazy fun drunk day and a story in itself)). I was crazy hungover that Sunday, the 6th. Monday was a job hunting day (half-hearted). Tuesday, July 8th was when I found out about Maureen. Started writing the entry about her on the 9th. That brings us to July 11th, which is 7/11 and it's so silly to admit, but it's a significant day for Tommy and I because his lucky number is 7 and mine is 11. So I sent him a sweet text telling him I was thinking of him and us. I also wanted to tell him about Maureen, because he was friends with her back in the OD days.
Tommy and I didn't talk until July 13th, which also happened to mark the 3 year anniversary of the first time we met. And the contents of that phone conversation kind of deserve their own entry, but suffice to say…the update he gave me about his cancer was not good. ((MORE MORE SO MUCH MORE ON THIS PUT A PIN IN IT))
The 14th of July: A very dark day indeed. I remember that I just laid in bed and I felt the weight of the universe weighing down on me. I was very still. I do this thing where mentally pile every bad circumstance onto my chest like bricks. It's a sad little ritual that I indulge in, and I'm not proud of. I'll start somewhere…like Kindred's death (brick), and then Tommy leaving (brick), and then losing my job, and then losing my job again, and then being sick in January, and every little rejection and disappointment, and now I can add Pam, and Maureen, and Tommy and Kelly's Lyme disease and the futility of life and I just lay there and I feel it all. Brick, brick, brick brick brick brick. And more. I can always add more. And sometimes they aren't bricks but pebbles. My check engine light came on. Pebble. They didn't get my take-out order right. Pebble. I trimmed my toenail too short and crooked. Pebble. But when you are in this state, it is so easy to turn those pebbles into bricks. I am sad to admit this, but I felt myself giving up. I mentally watched myself packing up my apartment and moving home to live with my parents in Chico. The ultimate failure and for me, a death.
Okay, so I wrote alllllllllll that up there on July 24th (or that's when I started it, and then I added to it, and ugh. It's just a mess). Since then SO MANY other things have changed/happened. And I want to get to all of them, and I intend to, but first…..
TWO RANDOM STORIES OF COINCIDENCE
Story One: I will preface this story by telling you that I SUCCEEDED with the July Reading Challenge. The only day that I didn't read was on my birthday, but I think you get a free pass from challenges on your birthday. Check the rules.
Anyway. I am going to post all the data (for my own records) about the reading challenge and a recap of sorts, but not tonight. I also need to post the final results from the June Fitness Challenge (vedddddy interestink) at some point as well. I have so much DATA to post, it's like I'm a scientist!
Aside: I always type the word "results" as RESLUTS first. Damn repeating ass hoes.
So back to my ridiculous story. The book I chose to read for my Fiction Selection was Dr. Sleep by Stephen King. I enjoyed it a whole bunch. Here is the weird creepy observation I made. I started the book on July 1st, and I finished it on JULY 17th. When I read the very last word of the very last sentence of the book, I noticed that Stephen King did what he always does at the end of his books…he puts the dates of when he started writing the book and when he finished writing the book. And in this case….the dates were:
May 1st, 2011-July 17th, 2012
Creepy? He finished writing the book exactly two years before I finished reading his book. And the reason that I was reading that book was part of an every day reading challenge. And I am person who is obsessed with dates and weird creepy messages from the Universe. So, that's kind of weird? No? Okay fine, I put the book down on my nightstand and went to sleep.
Story Two: I woke up the next morning and it was July 18th, and the realization of that date made me kind of sad because I realized it was the last day that I worked at Berkshire Hathaway before they kicked me to curb. I was having a cry into your oatmeal kind of morning and thinking sad thoughts about Warren Buffett and missed opportunities and dreams and goals and hopes and then my phone rang and OMG GUESS WHAT I GOT A JOB.
It was my recruiter, and she told me that I was being offered a job with Towers Watson, which is the company I had interviewed with the very day before. And this was joyful news and I LEAPED! And I want to tell you all about it and everything crazy that is going on in my life right now, but LATER, ok? Next week. ((Just kidding)).
So weird huh? The night before I finish reading a book exactly two years after the author finished writing it, and then exactly one year from the date I was let go from Berkshire Hathaway, I get a job, a real live JOB!
Synchronicity, man.
And then the next day, was my birthday, and I ironically got to celebrate it by going to Pam's funeral. Life death rebirth endings new beginnings…it's the goddamn circle of life up in this piece.
Ok now: The Super Moon is glowing in my window, and I'm a sleepy pants, and I have to brush my fangs and go to bed because tomorrow is my Final Day of Freedom before I start my new job on Tuesday! So I am going to soak it in and make every minute count.
I'm sorry this entry is such a jumbled shitshow. I'll be back soon. Pinky promise.
I love youse. And good day.
Loading comments...