save me from myself in 2013-2014

Not a whole lot happened today. It was another very rainy day, with parts of town flooding, as they do. Hooray, coastal towns! And it's astronomical high tide, so the harbor/downtown gets its share of salt water flooding on top of the rainfall. It's normal. I'm so, so, so glad I live inland, although even my (relatively) dry(er) patch had some standing water ponding on the roads this afternoon.

I went to church with Aaron this morning in the new building sort of across town. It was sunny and hot beforehand, but as the final speaker droned on (it was a good sermon! just... a lot of it, with conclusions for conclusions) a thunderstorm dumped overhead. We had lunch at church. A bunch of suited men who are Important circled by to meet us. Aaron handled the introductions, and right after smiling and shaking a hand, I nibbled on a potato chip and a crumb flew under my glasses and right into my eye. A very salty crumb. I did a lot of blinking and OF ALL DAMN THINGS A CHIP IS IN MY EYE WHEN I'M SUPPOSED TO BE SOCIALLY IMPRESSIVE JUST KEEP BLINKING.

Aaron took me home, claiming a rain check on our usual cookie stop because of the rain. The Interstate was starting to flood in places and our cars swam through at almost half the speed limit. We missed my all-wheel drive. He dropped me off at my place, I invited him up for rainy cuddles and he declined for his gaming session, and I read a book and took a nap in the gray afternoon as rain dumped from the sky for hours and hours.

We had another one of those less-than-perfect bumps, where our lives and expectations didn't perfectly mesh. His entire weekends, basically, are committed to social gaming with his friends. I'm not kidding. About 2pm - 11:30pm on Saturdays and 3pm - 11:30pm (or earlier, depends on how many rounds) on Sundays. Maybe a pickup game on Fridays. It'll be a liiiittle bit easier when football starts, because I can happily camp and watch TV all day Saturday, but I want more of his time than that on weekends. (It's not a cover for anything. I'm invited to attend, and I have before, to hang out with the other 'widows.' But it's still boring as hell and I'd rather be half-dressed at home with a book.)

So we bumped and twitched and sort of talked about it (it's a known issue, so more 'it happened again; I feel like you were getting rid of me after church' and 'oh, sorry, I'll make it up to you'), but I'm just waiting for this to either blow up or for us to figure something out. Obviously, this is not sustainable. Some of the other guys are married/engaged, but neither of us envy their relationships, and I know sometimes the wives just say 'no, you're not going' and get fed up, which is met with varying degrees of understanding. The amount of money poured into keeping up with cards and figures and whatever, let alone the time, absolutely HAS to stop once kids are involved, same with me and football, so I figure I might as well let him enjoy it now... but it's still a very mild background concern. There is no way in hell any kid of mine is going to feel second-rate compared to a card game. And I know he agrees in principle, but I also know that he doesn't quite see the full message he sends with his choices, either.

We'll figure something out.

Tonight while taking Sheppy out in the wet dark, he laid a big ol' poop and I got attacked by fire ants. I danced away at the other end of the leash and barely managed to pick up after him. We ran upstairs, and as I flushed the dog poop, the ants in the cuff of my pants launched round two. Dog looked at me like I was nuts. I have about ten bites on my left foot that swelled up something pretty. After ten minutes, I gave in and scratched, fiercely, with nails, and it was better than sex. I was groaning. I'm not as allergic as I was as a kid, but it's still uncomfortable and my leg was tingling a bit. The toe with three bites doesn't like to bend.

At 10:30, Aaron asked if I wanted him to stop by after his game. I said only if he brought me Benadryl cream. Which he did, an hour and a half later, just as I gave up on it happening. I was too happy to smear it on to gripe about the time delay. It's in my possession right now. I'll probably take the pills, too. Last time I fed a bunch of ants, I needed pills + cream to fall asleep through the itch.

He also said he wanted me to look into working at a phone company call center. And worried about my car. I am being parented. I don't mind, because I did the same to him last year when he was unemployed, but he didn't have a nice retirement check coming his way, either. But call center? I'd honestly rather do food service. I hate phones. I have always hated phones and after being a damn secretary for three years, have progressed barely to 'grudging tolerance.' I do not want to work at a call center. Uugghh. I will hate everything and be a giant ball of underemployed misery which would do more accumulated harm to our relationship than unemployment ever would.

I wish I could gripe to my mom, because she shares my irrational hatred, but she'd just fuss at me about money. :/ I have (temporarily, I hope) lost my mother to financial woes. I got paid on Friday, my last UGA paycheck, and most of it is going to her for car payment/insurance/etc... leaving me with $100 to float on, give or take, to spend on things like my last power bill from Athens and the cable bill and food. Spoiler: this ain't gonna work.

8 months 'til the wedding. I set out on my first deliberate wedding dress shopping trip tomorrow at 1pm with Krystel.