Toxic Waste in Current Events

Yesterday wasn’t a complete waste but it was a waste in the end.

The astrological vibe was very lay around, get a snack, nap, shop, take a nap. Nothing was in a fire sign. No starting energy. Later Today Mars enters Leo. So maybe?

There was a point in the day where I really fought with myself to leave the house. I kept putting my shoes on and then taking them off. I ended up buying a lamp that I’m just going to return. I don’t want to spend money that I don’t have.

I saw that the location I applied at for full-time has a part-time position available. I suspected that they would because in the rejection e-mail she said that she went with somebody who had more overall experience. So I figured they gave it to a part-timer they were grooming and so if they are replacing that part-timer then they must have hours to give them. It’s probably going to be a same shit different pile situation. Making it a waste of time BUT I save on gas. I will also have distance from the toxicity of my current workplace.

It’s a long weekend and with my roommate home. I barely saw her this week. She’s been getting home late. She came home with another bottle of wine last night. Bob is back in her life and so is the booze, it looks like. She has two autoimmune diseases. Her liver is shot, it is spilling over. She shouldn’t be drinking but I can’t make that my problem.

I should take Hetal’s advice. When I spoke with her she said that she learned to stop giving a fuck about what others are doing, finally. Good on her. I’m alright with that but it’s harder when it is people I care about. This situation, however, directly impacts me. She was a raging alcoholic when we first moved in. I actually had to clean up after her pity party this morning. I don’t want fruit flies. Her financial abuse needs to be addressed also. I think she is avoiding me, actually.

I’m sitting in the living room this morning. She didn’t notice. She walked in with her coffee and had a moment where she stopped, turned around, then came me back, then left to grab a sweater and took it outside. Where she is doing bing rips.

In our last casual conversation she told me that she can see herself at her current job forever. She does pricing for a home hardware store. She made fun of lifers repeatedly and now she is one. The goal was to go back to school. To each their own I guess.

I cringe whenever I think about starting my chemistry class in September. It’s like I’m not allowed to catch a break. I was supposed to be full-time with the perfect job to have while in school so that I could make school a priority but now I have to be in struggle mode because the company fucked up.

I want to write an email to the district HR about the conversation I had with my supervisor. I called her out on robbing me of that full-time position. The bogus write up I got for a conversation I had off the clock and not in the building. I laid out her double standards. I called her out on ignoring Linda’s behaviour and time theft. She said she would schedule a sit down for me with the district HR and district manager but didn’t. That was weeks ago. She’s protecting herself and Linda. I can’t seem to let it go.

I have plans today that I honestly just want to cancel. I also have plans this evening for Toni’s birthday. Maybe. She hasn’t given me any details. I should get on with my day now actually. Gotta leave in two hours.