Plot Twist. in Since OD is shutting down....

So I went to the chiropractor this morning and then stopped at my parents to visit and get our laundry. I came home, ate lunch, and put laundry away. I also put the new bedding on because my kid has been asking me to but I just haven’t because it makes my back hurt but I finally did it today.

I waited a little longer than I normally do to get her from school because it’s Thursday and we only have one more day of the week. As we are driving home, I see her Dad walking so I circled the block and went back and picked him up. He said he was sent home because he had overtime and he’d forgot his wallet. I originally planned to just give him a ride home and he wanted to go get something to eat at the mall so we did that. He had found a baby rabbit so he took it in and put it in a box.

He told me that he’s not making enough money where he’s working and now because CS has caught up to him. Apparently he’s gotten a really good paying job about 3 hours away with housing and told me not to try and convince him to stay and that he’s going to be leaving on Thursday. He works tomorrow and Saturday with Sunday off and wants to spend time with our daughter on Wednesday and then he’s leaving.

I think I understand my situation now more than I ever have. I truly believe that I have my eyes wide open. I wish I would have been more understanding about his situation all these years but he made it difficult because he was so fucking mean. He’s always going to have to take jobs with schedules that aren’t going to allow him to be an active parent and he’s never going to make enough money to get into his own place and I would really like to see him make something of himself.

This makes me incredibly sad because we’ve always been in the same town and no matter what, I always knew he was literally right down the street and now he’s going to be hours away. I really don’t think he’s trying to ditch out on his kid at all, but trying to make things better. Until he gets a job where he’s going to make real money, nothing is going to work so he’s able to be a Dad to her.

For the past week, my vision was just him working and being a Dad when it was possible. I also understand that he doesn’t want to live at his sisters forever and I don’t want that for him. I would truly like to see him get his life together and get in a really good place so he could be a Dad.

I wish I would have listened all those times that he said I didn’t care about his struggle and that I made him depressed. I don’t think he ever wanted to just waste his money but felt like he was never going to make enough to improve his situation so he didn’t know what else to do. I now feel so guilty and it’s tearing me apart.

We’ve both made this situation so miserable and I just hope things are going to get better and stay that way. I’m hoping that he’ll be able to come back pretty regularly because my daughter is now used to seeing him and that things end up working out better than I can even imagine. Maybe this is the start. It just makes me feel more alone because it’s like he’s never really good to be there for her like she needs.

I just try to look on the bright side and think maybe this is what he needs to truly get his life going to get in a good place financially so that he can caught up on CS, get himself a car and even buy a house. I want good things for him because of my daughter. I also don’t want to see him waste his life away being a drunk and being in this spot anymore. We can blame his upbringing, alcohol, being enabled, mental illness but I really think he’s ready to mature and get in a good place. I’m just going to try and be as supportive as I can because of our child.