Silver Linings in Current Events

I did not get the position I applied for. She explained that I had aced the interview but they went with somebody with more overall experience. I didn’t think to check my work e-mail until a coworker suggested it. I only have access to that at work. Needless to say, that did not make my day. At least I know where I stand. To add insult to injury, I learned that the operations manager for our team made a surprise visit yesterday. During his visit, he explained the situation with our service hours which directly affects our scheduled hours.

My location makes all of their sales targets. However, next to nobody else has been meeting their sales targets across the country. Our district was -300 million. This is because of con-19. They had massive sales during the lockdowns but that momentum stopped. Not for our location but their decision is for everybody. They decided to reduce all the costs that they can control which is labour. Even though it is our busiest season they are scaling back the service hours to keep it even throughout the fiscal year. This means that these reduced hours are the new normal. The only way that this can get better for me is if 5 part-timers quit.

So I know where things stand, that is the silver lining. I know that I need to commit to finding employment elsewhere but I can’t seem to let go of this one. I like the job, yes. As I’m being mindful of my thoughts I can see that I am spoiled with my Monday - Friday structure. I don’t want to do shift work.

I will be doing shift work when I’m at university. I will be doing shift work when I am practicing holistic medicine. I have to let this go. Monday - Friday is going to make me a lifer there.

My roommate told me that she can see herself at her current place of employment until she retires. She makes fun of lifers but here she is. The goal that she communicated to me before moving in together was to go back to school. That was never going to happen. I have an inside view of her character now.

I also never wanted to be this attached to this current job that I have. I have to restructure my priorities. The easiest fix is to apply for a department in the store. Had us part-timers been given transparency sooner we could have taken that action. We passed up every opportunity because we thought that the hours would come back as they do every other year. There is currently nothing open. However, should that change it is very easy for members of my merchandising team to transfer to the sales side. We are a hot commodity.

After my previous entry, I was pretty gassed up to actually move things forward in my life. I started to tackle my to-do lists. On my drive to the dentist today I was looking around for employment opportunities which is a good sign. Once something is on your consciousness it is all you will see. I’ve also been seeing synchronicities over the week and I’m trying to take that as a good sign also. When I start to feel hopeless I have to give my head a shake. It’s not hopeless. It’s hard to lobotomize myself with positive thinking because it has been nothing but struggle after struggle for years now and I just want it to stop. I need a huge win like yesterday. Just talking about this neverending battle makes me want to crawl into bed and stay there. That’s all that I want to do. iHurt.

It’s also hard to feel confident about my future when there is the existential dread of another hoax pandemic. It pulled the rug from under me and took everything from me. It’s going to be 8 years of schooling. Maybe I can go to a different country and leave Chinada. Get a student visa somewhere.

Speaking of cock juggling thunder cunts, the other day I went into my roommate’s bedroom to look for all of the missing Tupperware. I knew it was there and I knew that it was going to make me upset but I had to see the situation for myself. I was putting dishes away and noticed that most of the containers are missing. She has a laundry basket filled top to bottom with dirty tupperware and I am so pissed about it. It’s weeks worth and it is disgusting. Why is she living like that? I don’t want bugs. Things are fermenting in there for crying out loud. She is going to pile them beside the sink and try to leave them for me I bet. I took pictures to show people and they cannot believe it either. Her room also smelt like a thrift store. I don’t think that she is washing her laundry either. The room stunk. Let’s not forget that she won’t buy herself a dresser and lives out of boxes and storage totes.

While we were talking about casual things she mentioned that when somebody tells her to do something she will deliberately not do it. This is just more evidence of her child-like psychology. She is a fucking child. Her birthday is next Wednesday and she is turning 37, not 17. She and I will finish the big conversation this weekend about how we have our living costs distributed and I am adding the apartment responsibilities to that list and how that has been distributed as well. I am going to make her see how selfish and self-centred she is as a spoiled child.

She also mentioned while we were having a casual conversation, how she doesn’t see any areas in her life that she needs to improve. Of course, she doesn’t. She doesn’t think beyond herself. She doesn’t know how her actions affect others. I literally bit my tongue because I almost brought up her health. She has two autoimmune diseases. We don’t catch those we create them. They both started after she complied with the new-age vaccines. Alopecia and psoriasis. Her liver is shot. It is spilling over. Play stupid games and win stupid prizes. She is lucky enough to have alopecia and psoriasis, that is a silver lining. Her detox mechanisms do work but she is not supporting them. She does not have the emotional intelligence to create the changes that she needs to make to correct those disease states for herself. She is on her way to end-stage diseases, in fact. Her doctors don’t know health, they only know how to sell products and services. They will assault her body by giving her petro-potions to suppress the cure, the symptoms.

Actually, a friend of mine that I know online just quit her day job because she is making enough from her content on IG and YouTube. She doesn’t have a lot of clout. Next to none, actually. I started to see the synchronicities after I visited Bev. Her boyfriend has a greenscreen behind his computer chair on the wall in his office. He does twitch. It’s nothing special, that situation. I need to get that ball rolling already. While I’m in action mode I will try to muster that up tomorrow. I’ll just convince myself here and now that this is what it is all adding up to. Delusions: Convince Yourself