Troubled waters in Dear John

I don't know what to do. I can't stop crying. You feel so far away and distant, not my john at all. I want to make this better, for you and for us. I'm a nurse, it's what I do, I fix things, fix people.

I want you to tell me it'll be ok. I'm petrified that when all is said abd done and you're feeling better, you still won't want to live with me, you still won't want to take our relationship any further, and that I'll be heartbroken and having to start again.

It's not the first time I've been in a relationship where the other person has emotionally checked out. It is the first time that the other person has not asked for a break but has been adamant that they want to be with me still, and told me I'm their world.

I've always been certain of John, and until this week, I've always thought he was certain of me. Now it feels like everything is up in the air. What to do. It's a gamble either way. Do I give up the most wonderful relationship I've ever had, when this could all be a blip, or do I stick with it in the hope that I won't end up heartbroken. At the moment, it just feels like whichever way it goes, I'm going to end up heartbroken.

I just wish I could turn my brain off, or find some peace, just for a little while.