WHAT LIES AHEAD... in "REALISTICALLY-SPEAKING: BEING ROMANTICALLY-CHALLENGED"

August 4 - back to work.

August 10 - my younger cousin Omar's wedding. (Another dreadful moment when people will look at you and ask The Question: "When?" Ugh.)

It's also the time my big brotherly best friend Hazel Eyes is coming to Jakarta. That's good news. The bad news? I haven't found a rented room for him yet. Yikes!

August 16 - Hazel Eyes' "post-birthday/homecoming" lunch at Plaza Senayan. I've already requested a leave for that day from my Saturday classes. The problem? I haven't figured out the birthday present I'd like to give him yet.

August 17 - my brother's best friend. Same case as the previous paragraph above.

August 24? I'm not sure. Some guys are up for a cricket game in Bandung. I might go. We'll see.

September? The singing audition for another international karaoke singing contest. (I'm waiting for their confirmation on the schedule.) A family trip to Malaysia. The deadlines for two different writing contests.

First things first, though - as usual.

If you've read my previous entry, that was actually the very first draft of a (love?) letter I'm planning to give to someone that means so much to me, more than I've thought he ever would lately.

Tony B.

That's right, people. After quite a while, I've fallen in love again - this time with a much older guy. How old?

Alright, first of all - I'm a 32-year-old writer and English teacher. I'll be 33 this November. Not so young anymore, but still not too old.

What about him? Well, he's 55 - enough to be Ma's younger brother and...umm, my father. He's a teacher too like me. He's been to 50+ countries and had a string of exes (girlfriends, fiancees, wives - you name it.)

He's romantically-challenged too, but not as acute as I am. Despite his now, rather skepticism of marriage - he's still looking for love. (Sounds complicated, I know.) He's a sweet man underneath his cool, tough exterior. He cares a lot about other people around him, oftentimes more than they know or even care for him in return. (Yikes!)

He's helped me a lot. He's covered for me more than three times when I fell sick at work. (I know that's part of his responsibilities at work as a leader, but he could assign someone else for that if he wanted to.) We both love books. He's encouraging me to work on making my dream come true - as a world, best-selling author someday.

Basically, he's always been there. We've gotten much closer lately after Dad died.

Love? Could it be possible between us, despite the odds?? Why/ why not?

And I bet some people might be wondering:

"Girl, what's gotten to your head? Are you out of your mind? He's so old that he could be your dad!"

"Is this because you're still missing your dad?"

Yeah, yeah. I get that. In fact, I kind of expect that. But you know what? No matter what you do or don't, people will always talk. A woman dates a much younger man and they call her a 'cougar'. If the guy's much older, they say she must have 'Dad issues'.

In the end, you just can never win with people. You do what you need to do, whatever feels right for you. See where it goes from there.

Am I still scared? Hell, yeah. This is something I've never done before. Maybe he'll say yes to me, maybe no. We'll see. After all, what really lies ahead is a series of possibilities.

Maybe...

R.