He Lives Again in Book One: The Not So Daily Briefs 2014

So, bar prep/study/examination is over... for now. If I passed, I will find out September 10th. If I failed; I will have to reapply, restudy, and take the exam again at the end of February. Of course- I am 100% certain that I failed. Most people are after they finish the bar exam. However, looking up answers after the fact- I'm fairly certain that I failed to answer more than 50% of the questions correctly. Interesting thing about that is- if I am correct; I could still pass the examination. The entire thing is based on the curve, so if the curve is generous enough... despite having failed the exam... I may still have passed it.

It is okay if I didn't, of course. I took my LSAT twice (the exam to get into law school); I took the MPRE twice (the ethics exam to become a lawyer); so if I have to take the Bar twice (the licensing exam)- that is okay. Of course, I would far more like to have passed THIS time, obviously. That means I can better look for work sooner, giving me more of a chance to find a job.

As part of the study and examination... I worked it so last week, my wife would be at her parents' house for most of the week. She returned on Thursday and then I left for the Bar on Sunday (not to return until late Thursday). So almost two weeks apart with a small return to each other in the middle for 2 days. Since I can't afford anything else, I figured this would be the closest to "actual separation" we could do right now... to see where our marriage should go. When I returned on Thursday night... she was neither happy to see me nor unhappy to see me. My return was met with the detached interest one would associate with the onset of Garbage Day. When I asked her if she even noticed that I was gone; she said "Of course I did. The house was cleaner." That wasn't a joke. That was her genuine and legitimate answer. Shit, I've been back for 24 hours and there has been no "I love you," no welcome home hug/kiss.... nothing. She hugged me briefly before going to work today but that was about it. Not to mention that August 4th marks 1000 days of celibacy. It is insane.

Of course, both financially and as a matter of fairness, now isn't the best time to file for separation or divorce. I don't have the financial ability to live without her income and we still haven't seen a counselor. The counselor I was trying to get ahold of 3 weeks ago still hasn't returned my 2nd phone call. My plan is to borderline harass him next week until he says "Let's schedule something" or "Talk to my colleague over at X, he'll be able to see you sooner." Because.. that is where we are right now. If I can't get us into counseling by the end of August... I may just call my parents and see if I can move in with them for a few weeks as I look for work.