With me in 2023

You’re home with me now. Your Dad brought you to me. We wept together.

I thought perhaps that holding your urn would make it more real?

It doesn’t.

You would like your urn, I think. I hope you would. I chose a manly one, hah. I even had it inscribed with your proper name, but added “Babes” in between your first & last.

Your tattoo healed beautifully. I’m going to book an appointment with a shop here to add 2 small playstation controllers and our gamertags as soon as I can possibly afford it.

15 years ago thats how it all started, and it ended with you spending the rest of your life with me .. at least we had these last few years, finally physically together .. snuggled warm and cozy together in our bed … I’m told that is how every man would want to go if he had to choose.

Maybe you didn’t want me to wake up as you died. Maybe that’s why you left so fast? Because you knew you had to leave and you didn’t want me to see you go and beg for you to stay? That’s what I tell myself. I don’t believe that I couldn’t have saved you. But I tell myself what everyone else does, that I couldn’t have.

You’ll come to bed with me tonight. I don’t care how stupid that sounds, you will be on your nightstand tonight. And in the morning you will come back out to the living room with me.

I miss you .. you’re here in my hands .. I love the weight and the coolness of you .. I would prefer your warmth, but holding you again, even like this, makes you feel closer to me.

I love you.