Oceans and puddles. in Diary

I feel like I always tend to write in here, and did previously with OD, when I'm hormonal. Which probably makes me look like an irrational and constantly angry person but its not the case. Sometimes I just need to vent. There are some things that I spare Eli from. He doesnt need to hear me bitch about everything that is on my mind the moment he walks through the door. I actually pointed out to him the other day that he tells me about his day at work and explains things so I can get my head around it and all that whereas I come home and I bitch about my day. And it just seems unfair to call a friend with the underlying purpose of eventually turning the conversation toward myself and my need to vent when I have a very capable, unjudgemental diary to do so haha.

So what is it that irks me today I hear you ask? Well, its Ali's inability to take 20 seconds out of her day to write back to an effing text. It doesnt need to be right away, but hey, maybe within the week, if at all!! "Are you feeling better? Do you still want to go for this walk on Sunday?" (You know, the one we have spoken about for the past 3 or 4 weeks, but only when you're actually in my physical presence which has only been when I get my hair done or have had to go by your house to get camping gear). Its not exactly like I'm asking you for a novel. A simple "yes" or "no, I'm still not well" or "no, I actually have something else on". When Eli and I passed through last week on our way to Splendour to pick up some camping gear, we planned to get dinner when we got there. Eli told me to message Ali to see if she wanted anything and my immediate answer was "she wont message me back".

I've actually tried to abstain from messaging her for probably most of the year, but still, when I do now, its usually something important and she still takes ages or just doesnt message back and it frustrates me every time, hence not wanting to write at all.

Its not just the messaging thing though. Although it is one of those cases where we rarely talk unless I message her. Or go to her to get my hair done. I've been living in Sydney for a year now and she came to my old house twice. Once because she came with Tye to help Eli get his couch into his apartment and then once again after my birthday dinner. And that wasnt through lack of invitation. I'd say half of the times I have been to her place have been Tye inviting Eli and then Eli telling me we've been invited to something. Which is fine, but when you're actually never getting invited by your friend its kind of like, "oh havent heard from Ali in a while" "We've been invited to BBQ and Ali and Tye's" "Cool. STILL havent heard from Ali in a while..."

Sarah, Karina and I organised to meet up for a dinner months ago and I suggested inviting Ali because she'd mentioned to me that she wanted to make more of an effort and I think all of us were surprised that she actually followed through and showed up but when we tried to organise a date for the next one, she was reading all the group messages but didnt contribute once. We havent been out again for dinner since.

She's invited me to training sessions with her PT which I have never once said no to - even when I couldn't really afford it. I still said yes to doing a movie night for a combined birthday/her, Tye and Jacie's housewarming even though I was quite content to just have the dinner I had planned for my birthday, then was completely shut out from any organising involved with that because, again, she didnt write back to messages from me asking if I could do anything, then she hit me with the party bill which let me tell you was bloody outrageous and way more than I would EVER spend on a party and would have liked to be informed BEFORE the party of these excessive costs and not a week after.

I also said yes to doing a 100km charity walk with her which is in three weeks, we still need to raise another $500 in two weeks to actually be able to do it. The walk on Sunday which I mentioned before was meant to be a 50km training walk to familiarise ourselves with the hardest part of the track and her lack of enthusiasm towards the whole thing has got me wondering if she (and Jacie for that matter) even wants to do it. We need to raise $1400 to be able to take part. I've raised nearly $550, Hamish has raised just shy of $300 and her and Jacie $50. Hasnt really seemed like a team effort. I feel like I'm constantly sending the "team" messages about getting organised - which again, Ali reads but never responds.

My standards are already set low. After this walk, I'm pretty much giving up on making an effort. And I'll also follow suit with everyone else who I always say yes to no matter how difficult it is for me to get to or afford or regardless if I wont know anyone else at the event etc. and then get those excuses when I invite them to something. Why am I crossing oceans for people who wont even jump over a fucking puddle for me.

End rant.