Go in 2023

I don’t want to be here.

I don’t.

This world terrifies me without you. I’m so scared.

I went to bed at 11pm and by 5:30am decided that I probably wasn’t going to eventually fall asleep, so I’m up now with a fresh pot of coffee and tear stained cheeks.

I punched the mattress and screamed into your pillow .. it didn’t change anything.

I set up some photos of us, a candle you would have loved, your hat, your wallet, your watch, your coffee mug. Its next to me, beside the couch, but it doesn’t replace your presence.

Chris, I can’t. I can’t, Babes, I can’t. I’m so lost and broken and I am so fucking sick & tired of always having to be strong and persevere. I don’t want to anymore. I just don’t.

It’s been almost a month. Almost 4 entire weeks. How is this pain still so sharp and fresh and consuming? I feel like I’m drowning.

I had everything .. happiness, security, comfort, family, love .. you. Everything. I had everything and it’s gone.. it’s just gone.