Go in 2023
- April 29, 2023, 4:47 a.m.
- |
- Public
I don’t want to be here.
I don’t.
This world terrifies me without you. I’m so scared.
I went to bed at 11pm and by 5:30am decided that I probably wasn’t going to eventually fall asleep, so I’m up now with a fresh pot of coffee and tear stained cheeks.
I punched the mattress and screamed into your pillow .. it didn’t change anything.
I set up some photos of us, a candle you would have loved, your hat, your wallet, your watch, your coffee mug. Its next to me, beside the couch, but it doesn’t replace your presence.
Chris, I can’t. I can’t, Babes, I can’t. I’m so lost and broken and I am so fucking sick & tired of always having to be strong and persevere. I don’t want to anymore. I just don’t.
It’s been almost a month. Almost 4 entire weeks. How is this pain still so sharp and fresh and consuming? I feel like I’m drowning.
I had everything .. happiness, security, comfort, family, love .. you. Everything. I had everything and it’s gone.. it’s just gone.
Asenath Waite ⋅ April 29, 2023
I have no words. But I do read, and I hope you find some metaphorical light eventually. Internet hugs from a random person.
Jigger ⋅ April 29, 2023
Hug your dogs. Keep close with your kids. They all still need you.
Bomb Shell ⋅ June 22, 2023
Four weeks isn't a long time to get used to this. Grief isn't linear, some days will be easier than others, some days it will punch you hard in the chest. Expect the unexpected and try to roll with the punches.