Shot in the Foot in Current Events

We buried my grandfather yesterday. He was a Reverend. He and my grandmother opened the first church on our reserve. He opened one in the city after my grandmother passed away. His son Adolph is the pastor of that church. I met a man that made me cry, Jesus Christ. I can see that he touched a lot of people.

I went with my cousin Crystal to both the wake and the funeral. I don’t have any other connection to my father’s side of the family. Her brother and I were joined at the hip as kids. Then we spent a lot of time partying together in our twenties. We got each other through everything. I grew up, he didn’t. He’s still a party monster. I tried to reconnect with him a few months ago when he was in town but that was a bust. He brought people over to have a house party. He passed out within 30 minutes leaving me to entertain his friends. He is in town but was too hungover to attend the funeral.

My aunts and uncles and cousins would always light up when they saw me. They were excited and happy to see me. My father was the oldest son and he was everybody’s favourite. I am a spitting image. I used to babysit you! I have baby pictures of you! I used to change your diaper! They all had to say. Wow you have gotten so big! You’re so tall! You must get being skinny from your mother. A lot of them didn’t know who I was at first, they assumed I was Crystal’s partner or his brother. Then she would say “I brought Thomas!” and they would light up. There was also some awkward dialogue about them wanting me to be the pallbearer because I am the oldest son of the oldest son. Can’t undo that.

My cousin Tony and his father Adolph Jr. are the two I want to connect with. Adolph Jr. is the son of the pastor. He reconnected to the Ojibwe traditions. Hearing my family speak Anishinaabe was beautiful to see. I want to learn the language. When the pedo pope was in town, one of our leaders told him off in our language at the end of a performance. She demanded natural law. She sounded like she knew exactly what this system is. Civil law is ancient Roman law for conquered territory. We are not using our constitutions because that is the law of the land and we are on the Queen’s citizen ship using the Vatican’s law of the sea which is all commerce in which we are the merchandise. She was later arrested. There wasn’t any news coverage.

It was nice to connect with Crystal though. We never really spent any serious time together. She brought her son to the funeral, he is 8 months old. She asked me to hold him while she went to the casket to say goodbye. I now have baby fever. He was excited to be held by me and then put his head on my shoulder and fell asleep. It was the cutest. My aunts kept thinking that he was mine.

I am going to have to be very patient with myself over the next few days. I’m not going to be as emotionally regulated. I had a glass of whiskey before bed. I can’t seem to do any drinking without feeling guilty the next day. It feels as though I cheated myself. But If there was any occasion for a glass of anything… it’s just heavy that I will not likely see my aunts and uncles again. I was just in awe of them. Their history is rich and heavy. They’ve gone through a lot because of the residential schools.

I am aiming to be productive today. If not creative. I am trying to manifest getting that call today saying that I am the selected candidate. Astrologically speaking it is on point for it to happen. Well, for a huge shift to happen. That usually only ever happens internally for me but this time it is meant to be external. Taurus and Aires are the main characters in 2023. Horoscopes are only for the houses and Taurus is in my first house. Pluto entered Aquarius which happens in our tenth house, for Taurus risings. Jupiter also enters Taurus on the 16th. These blessings cannot happen without making room for them. My chart is heavy with Scorpio and with the eclipse happening in Scorpio, I will have to let go of things that are not serving me. That can be narrowed down to something from last January which is career related for me. That is when I was robbed of an equal opportunity at work. I am not over it. Unfortunately, I probably just shot myself in the foot. I got my boss to arrange a meeting with the district manager and HR next week so I can discuss it. That was a Mercury retrograde fail. I couldn’t have waited until after I got the results of my current candidacy? The district manager and HR are involved in that process. I can’t undo it.

There are opportunities everywhere. I know once I put something in the front of my consciousness it is all I will see. I have to be thinking about opportunities so that I will see them everywhere. I’m cleaving to this job because I like it. The work itself is a good fit for me. I don’t do shift work. I like having evenings and weekends off. Holidays as well. It pays more than minimum wage and the benefits are great! I’ve been such a negative Nancy, I know. I’m more upbeat and optimistic in real life, I just use PB to air out the negative energy. If I suppress it like a symptom it will create systemic problems later, just like a symptom.

Anyway, it is time to go get my life right today.