Venting (I apologize) in My this and that

I will start with something I am thankful for, because it's good for my heart. It helps me put things in perspective and reminds me of the joy I do have. So today I am thankful for many things: 1. The beautiful, bright sunny day. 2. My parents. We had a very wonderful talk yesterday. 3. My wonderful husband who is affectionate, forgiving, loving, and so helpful!

And here is the venting:

There is this man who comes to the church sometimes to use our public phone. We keep most of the building locked at all times, just because we are downtown and we want to limit the traffic going through our building. So when people want to use the phone I just press a button to unlock the door for them. This man has been coming for quite a while just to use the phone. Around Christmas time he started talking to me, asked for my name because he wanted to give me a Christmas Card because I always had a friendly smile ready for him when he came. Then he started coming in more often just to talk, often to just vent about things that weren't going right in his life.

He's been coming in more and more lately... and he talks a lot. I don't WANT to be rude, but he just will go on and on and I have work to do, so these days I tend to just let him talk and I keep working, kind of ignoring him. It sounds so mean, and I kind of feel bad. But at the same time he makes me uncomfortable, and here's why:

A few weeks ago I took the mail out to put in the mail box a block away from my office. I do this in the summer, because it gets me away from my desk a bit and lets me get some fresh air and some sun. He saw me walking down the street, and came over to talk. He said something along these lines; "I saw you walking and I was like 'Who is this hot chick walking down the street?' I thought you could be a super model. Then when I realized it was you I had to repremand myself for having such impure thoughts about a church girl."

Ew. Just... no. You don't say stuff like that to anyone! Especially when you are a man in your late sixties to a woman who is obviously in her 20s.

Anyway, because I would prefer to give people the benefit of the doubt, I just kind of let it slide, but that's why I was trying to put up walls between us... I was just uncomfortable around him. He'd come in even more to talk to me, always telling me how beautiful I was, that I should be a model, that I reminded him of such-and-such actress. He knows I'm married....

"I want to get you something. You deserve something, what do you want?" He asked me one day.

"Nothing nothing nothing!" I replied adamantly. More uncomfortableness just gets piled on.

God has called us to love. This guy is a bit harder for me to love, just because of the way he has been acting. I want to tell him to get lost and not come back. But Jesus still loves this man, and I want to be a good witness.

Today he came in complaining about the food bank that is held in our building once a week. This guys a complainer, so I just let him talk and vent and eventually he'll go away.

Then he called one of my coworkers who works at the foodbank a Nazi. That was it. I was done. I decided it wasn't worth it anymore. I yelled at him and told him to get out. I was shaking, I was so upset at him. He just yelled back, and then another coworker came over and started telling him to leave too (and then the phone rang and I answered it in my friendly voice... because I'm good at my job like that)... and finally he stormed out and left.

I hate to think that someone has anger towards our church, or to me, or anyone here... but it got to the point where I just felt this man was no longer reasonable.

He did bring me something. Movies. He said I could borrow them and when I give them back he'll give me more. I love movies. But these ones sit behind my desk. I'll never bring them home, and I'll never watch them; just because he gave them to me. I can't wait to give them back.

Despite this, I will strive to love everyone who comes through these church doors. God is love, and I believe that is the mission he has given me. I feel called to show kindness, compassion, and love. Because I know that God loves each of these people who come in dirty, beaten down, drunk, high, and lost. He longs for each one to be saved, and so I want that to be the desire of my heart as well.