Here, without you in 2023

The apartment feels empty without you. Of course it does.

I spent the day shampooing the carpets. I know Dee did his best while I was gone, but he was/is grieving too and let some of Grace’s accidents dry into the carpet. She’s experiencing her first heat so she’s tinkling everywhere.

Sadie is lame again in her right knee. The vet said if this kept happening we would have to go in and take her tplo hardware out. We have an appointment next week to talk to her about it.

How the fuck am I supposed to do this without you!? How?

I just kept cleaning today .. like I would when you would be at work. I loved it when you came home to a spotless house, clean laundry, dinner made. You always said how amazing you felt finally having something and someone to come home to.

I kept waiting for you to come home.

I keep waiting.

Maybe tomorrow? When your parents come to visit, and bring your ashes? Will it feel like you’re home then?

Its hard to fall asleep in our bed. Even with Sadie curled up at the foot, the bed feels so empty. Everything is the same, my routine is the same, why aren’t you here?

Will you come to me in my dreams tonight? Just for a little while, Babes, please? Just let me pretend this has been all a terrible nightmare and I’ll be awake with you in my dreams.