so um i'm angry. nothing regarding anorexia. regarding sex abuse. in The Wonderland Years: 2014. Done.

so. right. i'm angry.

like I said almost 2 yrs. ago this coming dec. it'll be 2 yrs. since I was last sexually abused.

and i'm just so angry about it. for a few reasons. bc although I did something to him that night aside from telling him not to r**e me [which he said he wouldn't but ended up doing it anyway] I still feel like it wasn't enough [story of my life right there. nothing's ever enough for me i'm never fully satisfied]. and the reason I don't feel like it's enough is bc uh. he still did it. he didn't listen.

and also bc. I seduced him therefore giving me the power. and again. didn't listen.

I was abused in my own house which up until that point had been home. and then it was just 'my place'. so he took that from me.

he knew I was drunk & drugged [my choice btw] and he still did it. I mean.......yeah. [of course. when I was 17 I was raped and I was sober then. and again when I was 23].

after that I drank more. which I realise was my choice but he contributed too.

and it just hurts. a lot.