april 4, 2012* in The Wonderland Years: 2012: 1/2 done

'why i'm so opposed to this/people overload/anorexia.

So, apparently.This Sat., James, Max, Jasmine [who apparently is Mexican] and I are going to see The Lorax. When James [he was quite drunk at the time] presented this idea to me last night I told him 'i'll think about it' of course meaning 'uh yeah.........no'.

cause sometimes. when I say 'i'll think about it' i actually mean either A; i will literally actually think about it 2; i've briefly momentarily thought about it or C; um. yeah no.

And then James asked me again today and it's yeah i know you already asked me and I told him I'd left him a voicemail about it [which he hadn't checked yet. well i do leave a lot] and asked me to tell him what i'd said [really? hate repeating myself]. and so I told him and he's like 'cmon please? it'll be fun'. fine.

No I'm not really annoyed w/ him. as just.er. in general.

I don't know why I'm so opposed to it. no actually that's not entirely true. I do. I just don't want to go into it. No I mean I like Max & Jasmine. a lot. they're really cool and nice. and good people.

And I do want to be w/ them. I just don't want to be w/ people............it's the whole. people overload. thing. I'm not much of a social person. I can be but that's not the first thing that comes to mind when you think of me. [no it's usually 'sweet'. or 'loves/knows music'. or something]. And it's a little weird hanging out somewhere that's not the bar. cause that's where we always hangout w/ Lou + Sara. [actually it's where we always meet them].

As mentioned, I can be who I am w/ Max + Jasmine. I feel like I'm home. and yeah that's a little scary. [as] soon as things get too comfortable i. leave. always have.

also. I've lost quite a bit of weight. yeah I'm nervous about how they'll react. of course as usual i'm overthinking this. Knowing them they probably won't at all. they didn't when I had flashbacks which was exactly what I wanted.

And another part of it is I'm not used to them.

so yeah.