My time is precious. in Since OD is shutting down....

So my weekend was pretty great. I hung out with my brother and his family all day Friday until about midnight. I was just exhausted and yesterday, I stayed home, slept and watched tv. It was just what I needed. I loved it and I think from now on I'm going to start doing what where on my 2 days off, I'm going to spend one day being social and the other day staying home and catching up on sleep.

My brother was pretty pissed at me last night because my Mom was going to watch his kid so we could go out but by the time that happened, I had already taken my Melatonin and wasn't trying to go anywhere. I told him that I don't have to be drinking at a bar to have a good time. I also get annoyed with him because he doesn't understand that I'm almost 30 and diabetic so I get worn out a lot quicker than other people. I'm sick of him acting like he's going to dictate how I spend my time away from work and that's just not going to happen.

We are also taking time off work August 6 through the 9th and if he thinks i'm going to spend every night being the DD while him and his girlfriend drink, he's got another thing coming. I don't get why he just assumes that I am going to drive every time we go do something but it's just not going to happen and I'm probably going to call him later and let him know that I only plan to go out maybe one night and that's going to be it so he better get other people lined up to hang out. I have to enjoy my time away from work and get a little me time whether anyone likes it or not.

I have to leave for work in a couple of hours. I never did buy groceries this weekend but I went to the food bank which was awesome because I was able to get some decent stuff and save some money. I'm really hoping I'm going to make a small chunk of money tonight because I have to pay my light bill and it would be nice to have some left over. I'm just tired of never getting ahead no matter what. I'm gonna be so glad when I get my financial aid because then I can pay some stuff up so I won't have to worry so much about things. I also plan to buy a couple of heaters for my house so I won't have to run the heat and hopefully have cheaper light bills.

It's been nice just being at home. I wish I had more time to just hang out at home and get a break from work. I love being able to just sleep, lay around and not have to be anywhere. That girl that I hung out with last weekend has messaged me on Facebook but I don't plan to hang out with her again. I don't want to hang out with someone who gets extremely jealous and butt hurt over shit. I think friends are a never ending bag of drama with a small leak. I bitch about not having friends but then when I actually hang out with people, I am reminded why I don't.

I'm kinda anxious to go to work but I think it's mainly because I want to get it over with. I've enjoyed just hanging out at home, sleeping and getting to relax. It's just crazy how this time last year I was still babysitting and bored out of my mind wondering if I would ever have a stable job again and now, I do and very tired. I'm glad to be where I'm at though.

But yeah, I'm going to have to cut my hours down at work and hoping that's not going to be a big deal but I even think about how sleep deprived I was last semester and it makes me want to take a nap. I'm not going to be able to do 5 nights a week again. Maybe some weeks but I need to be able to focus more on school and sleep. I understand that my job is very important because it pays my bills but getting enough sleep is just as important.

The lady from Curves called and left a message on Friday saying that her bank notified her that I stopped payment on my check and that she wanted me to call her to "figure out what she needed to do on her end" which probably means going ahead with putting it on my credit. I didn't bother to call her back because I just know it's going to be one of those calls that's just going to piss me off. All I care about is that they can't take money out of my account anymore and it's going to make it easier to for me pay my bills now. I will saving almost $100 next month since I no longer have a chair payment and Curves won't be taking money out anymore.

I wish I didn't have to go to work. I'm loving this just sitting here relaxing and not having to wear pants. I'm glad I work but fuck, I'm tired. Oh and a manager from another location is going to be transferring to my store and I couldn't be more stoked. She and I have kept in contact since she has transferred over ther and I'm just glad she will be back because she has a very strong personality and isn't afraid to call people out on their shit. I am so glad she is going to be there because I'm hoping a lot of the bullshit is going to stop. She will make sure that EVERYONE is following the rules and that alone will be a big help.

So I've showered and am starting to get ready for the day. I got lunch from Taco John's and it was great. I think I caught a cold from my niece and got some sunburn from Friday when I was outside too long with my parents. Again, every time I'm around them they ask for money. They showed up and my brother and I went outside and my Dad asked us if we had any money for the "poor folk" and my brother and I both felt uncomfortable and both said no. I still don't know where they think we just have all kinds of money but we don't. I just really wish they would understand that it's not our job to give them money.

I'm also a really big bitch to the extent that I don't just forget what people have done to me either. I can't forget going over to my parents house with a mouth full of toothaches and my Dad didn't give a fuck. He didn't even bother to say he was sorry but thinks I need to just be giving him money?! My Dad has NEVER been there for me and has even done anything for me without getting something in return so for him to ask me for money really pisses me off on a deeper level that it just pisses me off. My Dad has never really been a Dad but thinks my brother and I just owe him. Fucking ridiculous.

Then, my friend Kenny is still in contact. I do believe at this point he understands he's never going to get to move in but that doesn't stop him from mooching in other ways. The other day he was asking if I had any sunglasses for a dude as he lost his. Like, really?! Dude, again you'd think by now he would take a fucking hint that I'm not trying to be someone he can run to when he needs shit. He wanted to hang out on Friday and told me if I got some beer, he would come over and drink it with me?! Um, ok well thanks for agreeing to be a part of my life and drink my beer, asshole! Needless to say, there's never any real plan for us to hang out because he ruins it long before I even have the chance to want to!

He's another reminder why I stay away from CL. I met him on there and he's just another reason why I'm better off just doing my own thing. I'm not going to have people in my life that just want to use me whether it's for money or whatever. I'm not going to be anyone's back up plan or last resort. I'm sorry but I deserve so much better than that. I've let people treat me like that pretty much my whole life and now, I just refuse to allow it anymore. I've worked really hard to get to where I'm at and I'm not going to let anyone use me in any way ever again.

There was a dude I was talking to earlier in the week that claimed to be just so fucking lonely and just needed a friend until I sent him a picture and then I didn't hear back from him. I'm sorry that I'm over weight but your obviously not that lonely if we can't even talk to each other because of my size! I'm sorry but maybe I need to learn to be more judgmental but if I like someone, I like them regardless of what they look like. I'm just really sick of people being so damn judgmental over what other people look like! I don't understand what it mattered what I looked like especially since we were going to be just friends anyway. Fucking whatever.

I haven't put much thought into my ex John since we stopped talking last weekend. I just wish him the best. I just don't think that until he stops drinking and starts being an actual adult, that he needs to try and be in a relationship. I remember how much he tore me down and made it almost impossible for me to get up and go to work everyday because he would blow up my phone with mean text messages or voicemails...I just can't allow that kind of person into my life again. I know that I can't be in a relationship at this point especially with some piece of shit alcoholic that has nothing better to do than blow up my phone all day long while I'm trying to be a productive member of society. I do forgive him in the past simply because I have to go on with my life but that doesn't mean I've forgiven him to the extent that I would ever allow him the power to get too close like he once was. I told him months ago he will never have my phone number again and I've stuck with that. He just has to understand that bridge is burnt and he needs to just leave it alone. I tried so hard to love him, be there for him, the whole 9 but now, I have to be there for myself. I can't have anyone in life who is just there to tear me down and make things harder for me.

I know that I'm a good person. I know that I have a lot to offer to the right person at the right time. I'm never again going to make the mistake of settling for far less than what I deserve. Until I can find what I'm looking for, I plan to remain single and just enjoy my freedom and live my life unattached and less stressed. Relationships are great when you find the right person but until then, most of the time men are just a waste of time and energy. I am also terrified of getting hurt again and it's going to take someone very special for me to even consider opening my heart up enough to even consider taking that chance.

It's also quite irritating how people act like I just owe them. It's like that Kenny dude thinking I'm going to allow him to move into my house when I don't even know him! We've hung out like 3 different times and every time I hear from him, it's him asking me for shit! No fucking thanks! I don't know where the fuck these people come from but it's super annoying and yet another reminder why I'm alone!!!

Anyways, I have to finish getting ready for work and get down the road. More later on or tomorrow.