may 6, 2012 in The Wonderland Years: 2012: 1/2 done

'I don't want to have that moment w/ him. You know the one. where couples on tv that have broken up go 'here's your stuff' back and they give each other the box.

I don't want this to be any harder than it is. than it has to be. I just want it to be quick and painless and then not talk to him.

he's always like 'honey' or 'sweethart' which makes it just that much harder for me to do this. please don't do this to me. please. ok fine 'that' don't do that to me. I'd prefer he be angry w/ me for wanting this then hurt. cause when you're angry w/ someone you don't want to talk to them. no you want to fight. You don't want to sit down and actually talk things out w/ them.

It's starting to feel unrequited.

We all know what I want. But............what about what he wants? he has never once told me he hasn't wanted me. I've indicated more than once that I don't want him.that.much. So he wouldn't want this. well no. and I do.

and maybe i should stop being selfish and just give in. to convention. which isn't again fair to him.

and now I have a decision to make.