may 6, 2012 in The Wonderland Years: 2012: 1/2 done
- July 27, 2014, 11:11 p.m.
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'exactly like jacob/what would i want someone to tell me.
Ok, so. As put.
I don't think I can deal w/ being in a relationship right now, w/ this other stuff coming up. By which I mean in well a bit more than a month it'll be a yr since my grandmother.um. 'left'. And this coming August 25 it'll be 2 yrs since i was.um. r*ed [the 2nd time].
Yeah those are 2 pretty big things i'd say.
So really I guess it's an issue of space. Of things to come.
And then in the fall it'll be a yr since Maggie, our family friend, um. 'left'. And James will be going back to school for a couple years which means we won't see each other as much. And I honestly don't know if I'm willing to wait that long, for us to start a life together. Really start a life.
I don't know if I'm willing to wait at all, to be perfectly honest. I'm not big on waiting.
This is a huge turning point for us. has been for awhile.
It's easier this way, for me. yes. For. Me. not for him. he's willing to wait till the end of time...........and that's just it.
Ya know, back when I broke up w/ Jacob. or he broke up w/ me, rather. which was what, 2 yrs ago this coming Nov. 30? - I had freedom. no not bc of that. bc my mom didn't know. Yes I needed someone then but not my mom much as I love her. So we could break up and get back together freely as much as we wanted.
So...............ok, here's the thing. the big. thing. How would *I want to be told? What would I want someone to say to me? well I wouldn't want them to blame me. If they said 'i've been thinking...........and, i'm not sure this is going to work' would be ok.
ok and there ya go. problem solved. well that aspect of it is.
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