june 11, 2012* in The Wonderland Years: 2012: 1/2 done

'I don't feel good. which isn't surprising since, as stated.

it's 2:10 p.m. was gonna go to the movies but then didn't. well i know i was unconscious all day. not sure if i actually slept.

I drank bc I needed to get away. but that's not the only reason. it's just what i told him. even though i know it doesn't work. no but eventually it will. if i drink enough.

We were talking about it on the phone and he goes 'you're an addict.........it's not easy'. oh, yeah now you're all compassionate and understanding. You know what other addictions I have? the cutting and the anorexia. actually the cutting's not such a big thing for him. and for me either.

But he's not like that w/ the anorexia. No, he goes 'eat'. No. i'm not going to eat for you. i'm not going to eat to measure up to what you want. when that's not even what he's saying. no bc thing is i'm misreading him entirely on purpose. bc i don'tt know how to stop. not very well.