june 27, 2012 in The Wonderland Years: 2012: 1/2 done

'Actually this was to be typed up yesterday which. obviously didn't happen.

omygod. It's been so bloody hot here lately. It's been in the 90s. by 10 a.m. every morning. [er obviously morning]. Yeah I know. I know it's summer and this is CO but cmon. One of the things people like about this place - well I do - is that the weather's always changing. yeah um not so much lately. it is damn ridiclous. If I'm saying it's hot........then it must be hot. And I'm small.

I've taken so many baths lately [i'm not a shower person never have been. I just, don't prefer them]. they've been helpful. And I don't go out past 9 a.m. bc, well. as already detailed. My AC doesn't work and I don't think I'd use it even if it did, for reasons already detailed in prior entries. I have my fan on and my balcony window open between 10 and 11 p.m. But it's nice to have the option of running the AC. even if I don't.

I know it wasn't this bad last summer. Last summer I went out a lot more. I.think.

So I've been sleeping a lot more. Which I hear is pretty common. Over the weekend I slept a lot. More than usual [that's rather redundant]. I've become really irritable lately. um. And more emotional. I've been lightheaded/dizzy...........quesy. more headaches. Yeah it's not good. I've also been drinking more........er..........gatorade.

I've been a bit more depressed which is. weird. Only bc you'd think I wouldn't be in this weather. But as said I've not gone out which. probably doesn't help. well it does and it doesn't.

And then over the past 3 days I've only gotten 9 hrs of sleep. together. Yeah sleep deprivation much? And, I never sleep well to begin w/, so. You know I'm really thinking I'll start dancing again which helps. But if it's this hot........then.......yeah. So I went from 1 extreme to the other.

Yesterday things were melty. like that Dali painting w/ the clocks.

It's too hot to bake/microwave anything and I really haven't been hungry. [I'm sorry if I sound like I'm bitching but I really haven't felt good lately]. um. but i've been thirsty.

E

But I've been trying to eat 1 thing a day. And by 'day' I mean w/i a 24 hr period.

er...........m.........so, my period's coming. Which, cerainly doesn't help. well no.

So James & I are. um. I'm not happy w/ him. or happy in general. well not that I usually am, so. But......we were talking the other day and he said.stuff. I didn't like. It's like 'i love you but god you're smothering me'. and the thing is - to put it logically - he isn't, really. it's just w/ the weather & other stuff I'm dealing w/ it feels that way. can't do much about the weather but I can do something about him. I feel so stifled.

I need air. no i literally need fukin air bc my place is like a fukin attic. as usual. well heat does rise, so. the other day he suggested buying a um...............spinny thing. er, fan. i don't like them bc they're loud but then he's like 'get a whisper one' and ya know. that's actually a good idea. for my room. they have them at King's for $20, so. that's next to get.

Uh going OT here but the other day he was putting stuff in the dryer and moved the clothes that were in it out of it - a logical thing to do - and then brought them to my bed and is like 'where do you want these?'. and i'm like 'oh, sweetie'........they're not dry. er i mean they're dry but i've not washed them. See bc up untill this a.m. I used my dryer as a clothes storage area bc I didn't have a laundry thingy. er, bin/container. so. yeah that kindof got to me.

I decided to not bring it up bc I figured if I did so at the time it would only make it worse. But once I'm calmed down and not as hot then I'll bring it up.

There was more. which i've now of course forgotten