july 11, 2012 in The Wonderland Years: 2012: 1/2 done

'anymore.

I know, what a weird title for an entry. But I couldn't think of a "good" one. Usually I'm more inventive than that.

oh Adult Content Ahead. You've been warned.

Um. So I was browsing around Cosmo.com [looking, of course, at the sex articles most of which I've looked through already. But I was bored and wanted some bedroom inspiration. which i got] and it occured to me. As states the title of this entry I don't feel like queen.anymore. when I used to. his woman. It's very sad.

Now there've been times when I've not been aware of that but, ya know. It always was that way whether I was aware of it or not. The last time I actually felt that way was the milk and strawberries day.

And, ya know maybe the er 'the'. one of the*. rather. reasons he wanted me to do the whole. bathroom thing was bc he wanted me to feel that way again. or, more. I'm not entirely sure which.

I am really lonely right now. currently midnight30.

Sometimes when he suggests something it's not so much that I'm resisting as I'm putting thoughts together. or, I need time to actually physically get up. and I don't think he understands that. [well no given i've not correctly actually talked to him about anything in awhile]. You know so it's not so much 'no I'm not going to do that' as it is 'give me a minute'. or 2,,,,,,or well 5.

I don't feel like I'm being taken care of. sexually or otherwise. I know why - well sexually I do - but it makes me sad. that it's not happening. And that was what he wanted to do for me. and one of the things I liked about him. well. used to. anyway.

The more sexual I am generally the happier I am. and w/ this damn heat..........i'm clearly not happy.

And I don't know really how much we can do at his place as there are other people there, so. You know I try to be good and respectful and all that.

erm................

you'd want to find somewhere else to get your satisfaction too. no wonder.

Today on the phone he'd been sweet. and understanding. and just. quiet. and looking back i really liked that. it was helpful. and needed and wanted.

Whenever he's been over here I've always made some attempt to give him sexually what he wants. even if it's too hot and then it's like 'honey i'm sorry but it's too hot to do this right now'.

we've lost that spark.