Weight Frustrations in The Day To Day Ramblings

Alright. Time to be honest and vent a little because I'm frustrated and that's what diaries are for, right?

So I had my 19 week appt this week and the NP was great, as usual. She was happy with my weight gain and my vital signs (blood pressure 90/58!) and I really don't have any complaints and I feel good, all things considered. As we were sitting there chatting, though, I was asking more about the weight gain and where I stand vs "normal" weight gain. I doubt this is an abnormal question so she pulled up a digital graph from my e-chart. It was based off my starting BMI of 19-25 and included a lower 'suggested' (25 lbs total ) and a higher 'suggested' (35 lbs total) for each week of pregnancy. Turns out my weight gain at every single check in has been higher than suggested. They've never said anything and always been happy with it but there it was, my little red dots a few pounds above the 'recommended highest weight gained' line and it got me thinking.

So I'm active, I know that. I run, I walk the dog and I hike with her all the time, I have an extremely physical job...but my eating habits are atrocious. This is not new. Rob is Mr. Fix It, Mr. Lawn Maintenance, Mr. Manages The Big Things and my role in our marriage is maintaining the home, doing laundry and dishes and the dog's vet appts and medications and Rob's doctor/dentist appts, etc etc. Fine by me. However, neither one of us can cook for crap. Neither one of us is confident or comfortable in the kitchen so our go to is eating out (both unhealthy and expensive) or eating junk at home that is fast and easy, often frozen meals or something we can thaw and eat in 15 minutes. It's a source of daily stress for me and while I got away with making tons of monthly crockpot meals with my best friend this past winter, it's now not really hot crockpot weather AND her schedule changed so her availability to make them with me has disappeared. I'm also more and more tired as I get more pregnant and my motivation to change all of this is fading. Then I kick myself realizing that my increased exhaustion and shortness of breath are likely due to me being 15 pounds higher than my normal weight and carrying less muscle as I'm working out less than before. This makes me feel even more pressure to try to kick these bad habits in the ass so I can feel powerful and strong through these last 20 weeks. I know I'll gain weight and I'm fine with that but I've gained over half the weight they want me to gain total and I still have all the 'heavy' months ahead. I know if I give in to the tired, worn out, worn down side of me that is fueled by garbage that it will be a tough and emotionally disastrous last five months. My emotional health is so closely tied to how I feel about my body and while I'm happy that it's changing and growing a healthy little human, I want to have as strong a body as possible that I fuel instead of fill with easy, convenient, disposable junk food.

So, that graph keeps flashing in my mind. I know it's an average, it's general, it's a 'guideline' and I know that the doctors aren't even that worried about it...but I am. I know those numbers come from data and science and are based on trying to help keep you as healthy as possible. I don't want to have 40, 50 or 60+ lbs to lose after this baby because I couldn't get my eating habits under control. Fried cheese curds are delicious but not worth 40 additional pounds of struggle next spring. The more I think about it the more stressed out I get and the more I emotionally eat out of feeling simply overwhelmed. It's an awful cycle.

Add in that we're struggling sexually because my body doesn't feel like my own anymore (mentally transitioning to being a 'mom' is about the least sexy turn on my mind just can't stop obsessing when we're trying to be in the mood - not to mention my body has changed in so many weird and awkward ways...) and that we're having issues finding renters for our condo so if we don't by August 15th, we'll be paying TWO full mortgages until we find renters AND the doctor talked about needing to find a pediatrician and we're trying to start discussing possible baby names and....my plate is full. I feel burdened. I'm excited that all of it is happening but it's just so.much.at.once.

I've been working like a crazy person as well with picking up a double 17 hour shift because work is SO short and taking this huge biennial cardiac resuscitation exam and trying to get over being more sick than I've been in a decade...and I just want some time off. I want a day off. But any day I have off I'm trying to battle back against Mt. Laundry or organize our Junk Room that will become the nursery or get ready for out of town guests or clean up from guests we just had or be packing/unpacking/prepping for a trip out of town. It's a lot. I need a pause button on life.

So I've been running and hiking and being active and that isn't the problem. I need to figure out a way to decrease a lot of the stress from meal planning. We have this great meal planning whiteboard but thinking of what I'll want to eat or when we'll be available to eat together seven days in advance isn't really practical for us. Rob has multiple golf leagues, I work until 8 PM three nights a week and it's rare that we're home together for a meal. This means I would ideally make a bunch of food maybe during my days off and then Rob and I could eat leftovers for our hurried meals between activities. We both also need things to take for work lunches so we're not eating out for those meals too. The money we could save by cooking at home for TWO meals a day for TWO people (four meals out a day!) would be astronomical. I just have to figure out how to make it happen in a way that doesn't feel like the straw that broke my back.

If anyone has ideas on healthy meal planning or how to stock your fridge/freezer with healthy meals that my Kitchen Phobic husband could throw together on his own when I work, that would be great. I can't continue to watch my weight go Up and Up and Up at this rate as I know weight gain is expected, but I want to stay more in the 30-40 lb range and not the 50+ range, especially with my entire third trimester being during winter when it's so easy to pack on weight due to cold weather anyway.

So, please, PB, help me out! I'll take any and all suggestions! :)

P.S. Bonus bump shots :)