july 31, 2012* in The Wonderland Years: 2012: 1/2 done

'So. Apparently according to Max the other James [Katrina's guy] latches onto the first girl who takes an interest in him. Yeah I used to be like that.......uh. still am, actually just less so. And ya know it's really sad. I used to think only women were likt that though I'm not saying guys can't be.

I don't recall what Katrina said that night but it eluded to this being the best relationship she's ever been in.or. something like that. Honestly though just from being around them that night they're not good for each other. She's.......uh.......really confusing and they both need to work on themselves. As do I just as I have been. It's not my place to tell them that since I barely know them. It's just like wow. makes me wonder how they got there.

At the end of the night - Thurs. - she becomes upset about. something or other don't recall what. And I'm physically right by her [ when my man, Jasmine, Max & I all hangout it's the same thing] and it's like. I wanted to help her - still do - but I just. couldn't. She talked to Jasmine about w/e it was. which yes i'll be honest bothered me a bit [and that's where self sabotage comes in] but I think she did the right thing. Katrina that is. well I think we both did the right thing there. And so did Jasmine. I told Katrina that though I barely know her we're here for her.

Oh. So the other James, my man and I and I don't recall who all else are all sittin on the balcony, and someone says something and I told 'the other James' something about "it's a PTSD thing" and he's like "oh" and then goes on to explain how association works.

It's like. wow I told someone, indirectly and that felt weird.

Ok so then at some point Jasmine notices I'm upset and asks if I'm ok. I tell her, basically, that it's not her it's hard to tell anyone..........I was sexually traumatized. She curiously carefully patiently point-blank asks "what do you mean?". So no, while I don't outright admit to her that 'yeah I was r**ed about 2 yrs ago', to me.that. pretty much means the same thing. And we don't talk any more about it and ya know what that's fine.

So she knows now.