aug. 1, 2012* in The Wonderland Years: 2012: 1/2 done

'ok so to continue w/ my entry from.um. oh, yesterday.

paranoia, room bed moving. recovery.

Please Be Kind & Supportive. No Advice.

Yeah so like I've maybe mentioned, my PTSD's gotten worse. and all that comes w/ it. The hypervigilance [you should've seen me last night. and the night before] and the flashbacks come daily. which of course means the anxiety's gotten worse.

And the dreams. well in every fukin dream I've had lately rpe is either mentioned or. happens. or both as w/ the most recent one. Yeah it's really starting to become an inconvenience. Before it was terrifying and upsetting and now it's just annoying. I go to sleep and I'm reminded of it. I'm awake and. same thing.

Now. I'm a paranoid person in general. have that feeling I'm always being watched. been that way for yrs. But lately.............god. it's more. er um i mean it's increasing. has. increased, rather.

I've been spending more time in my room lately over the past........couple months. My bed is really comfy. I rearranged my furniture over this summer. [posted photos awhile back]. Ya know, my bed used to be head against one of my closet walls. And that was exactly where I was r**ed. So that's why I moved it. I was hoping it would help me somehow. And ya know what I think it has. I really do. Now it's against the other wall under my window. I like it there.

'course, back before I moved it when I had the idea of moving it, it was at the time one of those things that was to be way far off. yeah but sometimes.........things happen quicker than we thinkexpect and it doesn't feel rushed.

So that's a step in recovery.