sept. 24, 2012 in The Wonderland Years: 2012: 1/2 done

'his entry's a bit mixed up.

So, this morning after I wrote that entry I put my ankle in cold water for 20 mins. yeah.......that def. helped. So does putting this Bengay blue gel stuff I have, on. it. that stuff's great btw.

Um. So then I slept for 4 hrs. didn't sleep well or all that much but I figured, my body probably needed it. for the recovery process. and god knows I certainly needed it having not gotten much this weekend. had a weird dream. er not that they're ever, normal. Oh so when I was trying to sleep I was lying on the floor and put my feet up on the sofa. And I tried to keep them there for as long as possible but then it got uncomfortable, so.

And then - and yes admitedly I really shouldn't've done this. i fuked up and i'm sorry - I got ready, popped 2 Aleve [every 6 hrs] and. went to the store. No hear me out. Here's my main reasoning: they say excercise is great for mental health. walking's considered excercise. And my mental health's not so great lately. So at that point my legs [foot + ankle] was actually feeling ok.

Today is just not my day. inbetween nonsleep and being hungry [yes i'll have dinner in a bit. But I got back 10 mins. ago - currently 6:20 p.m. and when I get back I usually don't want to get up straightaway. I usually wait an hr, so] and pain. Like, ok if I'd had a decently good weekend and was feeling actually ok it wouldn't be as bad. It's like ok yes I'm in pain and yes this sucks but..........it's not like there's that paired w/ other factors/reasons as to why I'm not doing well. [emotional ones, and. of course more on that later]. Ya know?

But, ya know it's not like I went to lunch w/ my sister and then got back and then went to the store. on top of this. Like yeah I could've made it worse. She and I usually do stuff Sun./Mon. I love her and I want to see her but today would've been one of those days where............I'm sorry but that's not happenin.

In a way I almost wish I'd seen my neighbor at the store [I saw her the other week at Chipotle and she took me back. At some point since I've known her she's told me if I ever needed anything to let her know] just so I wouldn't have to walk. Thankfully no one [i mean this literally] stepped on my toes when I was at the store. er, not that they usually do...........but, you know. It's like 'so........i don't know you but thank you'. I got a book I've wanted, saved like. at least $2. on that and my other purchases. which isn't a lot but at the same time it's 'yay'. ya gotta look for ther stuff where ya can.

So, when I was at the self-checkout the candleholder [it's a cross btw. not religious i just like crossesI was purchasing didn't show a price. Um. It was a closeout iteam, for 2.64 instead of 5.99. And, having less patience than usual, I decided to go and tell the attendant instead of waiting. She's like 'you need to scan your card'. yeah......I know that. I always do when I'm done ringing up all my items. Normally yes it would've annoyed me but today...........it's like. ok I really shouldn't say anything or else I'll snap at her, so........yeah.

I've discovered. that I love um. driveways. cause, as I learnt when going down my stairs, yeah. stairs hurt. I don't mind going up them but going down them is like. oohf. not good. So when I go to the store I go through these alleyways. thingys. where the pavement slants and it makes a 'driveway'. and therefore I don't have to step on the curb. so yay.

So usually on Wednesdays I go to the bar. and I wear my flats [there's a point to this]. But I'm like, ok if I'm wearing them at my place and that's painful...............yeah I probably won't go to the bar much as I want to. cause flats are thinner then my other shoes [they're Merrils if that means anything. from REI] and so there's not as much like, 'shoe' [i've no idea what it's actually called] betwen the uh............oh god.........bottom* [there we go] of the flat and the ground. And talking about my plans for the rest of the week - Tangent - either tomorrow night or Wed. night James might come by w/ the pot we think he either mistakenly left at his place or we smoked some of this past weekend. - Tangent End.

So now I'm watchin tv while incense is burning. My plans for the rest of the night are to, as usual, have dinner and watch tv. Bengay, cold water, pills and elevation for recovery.

Although it's well-meant Please No Advice. Support/Encouragement's Welcome. [and hugs........sympathy........stories that relate. etc]. thank you.