oct. 11, 2012 in The Wonderland Years: 2012: 1/2 done

'him w/ my soul.

and at the end of the day. he's still the person............   and, insanity. and all across the board.

So, I'm not perfect. well no clearly not. um. .....................................    Ya know, he's hurt me. I've found that the people you love and who love you, will hurt you. The people who you considr home. Ya know and that's. what happens.

This entry actually isn't about things being one-sided.  No er um i mean. When he has hurt me yeah sure ok. he's been in the wrong there. But..........butbutbut.............but. When I've hurt him. So have I. I know that. I just don't always pay as much attention to that as I should. Ya know so it goes both ways. a fact i'm constantly forgetting. It's like oh yeah right there's another person involved in this. Ya know it's not just your life anymore. You have someone else to think about and that. def takes its toll.

he's hurt me w/ his words i've hurt him w/ my soul. my body. my own fukin physicality which for yrs i'd ignored. ok so that's off-point. but anyway.

I mean. He has driven me fukin insane. he has outright pissed me off. and all that. As has my mom. And my sister. But then there's the other side of that to where. For my mom she's the most fearless person I know. As for my sister. I will do anything for her. [this is of course hoping I don't have to]. And yes if you hurt her I'll want to intervene.

And for my boyfriend [?]. yeah at the end of the day. he's the person I'll call when my 2 remaining grandparents eventually, you know. go. he's the person I want to cuddle w/. he's the person who has given me so much. he's the person who.........   well, the list goes on and on.

Oh right. so...........................er................................   ya know, I once told him that w/e I do to him - at the time I meant this sexually - and however I am w/ him. I want him to do/be w/ me. Yes and yet what I didn't realise was that it doesn't end there. No that goes for everything. it's all across the board.