nov. 3, 2012 in The Wonderland Years: 2012: 1/2 done

'god so. um. idk where to begin. well that's not entirely true.

So last Fri. the 26th I went to the bar's Halloween party. I was wearing this corset thing and a miniskirt which I'd made shorter. I was a modern day pinup it's supposed to be that short. I'm lucky I didn't wear this slip I have bc that thing is sheer.

Ok so I honestly was looking to get hit on and that's what happened. This guy hit on me for bout 5 mins. I showed him. um. something I shouldn't've. yeah.............part of me. yeah i know. whore. We went back into the bar's main room. he triggered me. I left.

And sat w/ friends.

This isn't about the fact that I did the right thing by leaving. No it's about the fact that I did the wrong thing in the first place to get there. It's about the fact that it triggered me. er.rather. he triggered me. our convo was awkward he'd gone through hell himself I wanted to do something nice for him.

Ok so then, about an hr later Rona and i were talking and I told her about the SA when she asked me what was wrong. And then she had the fukin audicity to actually pull my skirt down. Look you're not my mother or aunt or sister or. girlfriend cousin or. grandmother. or boyfriend. So don't ever fukin do that. I'm not 5. If you think I look trashy ok then talk to me about it. don't act on it.

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Ok so this really has nothing to do w/ anything. Um but the other week he told me about his offing himself attemps. again. And when he first brought it up I thought it was something serious. no turns out he was little and didn't understand. And most people I've known who have tried have bc of depression.

so that completely changes things. I feel like I can't talk to him about it bc for him it wasn't like that. and so we don't relate as much. and that makes me sad. and alone.