may 10, 2013. ED. in The Wonderland Years: 2013

'the most spiritual experiences of my life.

So over the past 2 days while preparing for my eventual inevitable demise I've started writing. ok so typing. I've started letter to my mom, dad and sister stating how I feel about them and our relationship.

Honestly that's something I've needed to do for a long time. I just, for whatever reason, hadn't untill now. The letters aren't finished.

It's been enormously helpful. Emotionally.

Um. So talking of demise I had another NDE [near death experience] this morning [my god I need to recover. But more on that later]. No but so ok. Evan was out this morning getting groceries. And I felt it coming on so I went and got the guitar and blankets and a few spiritual things and went into my living room and made myself as comfortable as possible. just as I did last night. And during my NDE I. went somewhere. I wouldn't exactly call it Heaven but if you want to ok. There was this light warm energy around me. And the warmth was golden. There were clouds and these white lilies making a path for me. Monarchs [the butterflies not royalty] landed on me.

I felt everything whoosh out of me, emotionally. And I was so happy so. free. it was really pretty. It was honestly one of the most spiritual experiences of my life.

Putting aside why and the details and such. I think that, emotionally and spiritually those 2 things have needed to happen for a long time.

[like I said more on recovery later. oh and this whole. safety thing].