Sometimes people make me sad in Rambling sane thoughts of the terminally me

This story is about Hayley. I don't know Hayley except through what my Mum told me last night. I believe I met Hayley a couple of times.

Hayley used to be a friend of my sister. When they were young Emma would go and clear out the stables local to our area. Spent the day mucking out the horses in exchange for the chance to ride one of them for an hour. Eventually, Emma got to the point she was taking other people out for rides and she invited Hayley along to take her place. Muck out the stables in exchange for an hours lesson at the end of the day.

I don't remember Hayley but to hear my Mum tell it they were pretty tight. Apparently Hayley really admired Emma. I can see that; my sister is an amazing person.

Hayley was apparently everything a dizzy blonde should be but when you're that young - who cares? They grew up together; went through puberty together; starting dating boys together. They weren't at the same school but Hayley was that friend that Emma would travel to see. I do remember my Dad having to give her lifts in the car all the time and being a little peeved about it.

Years later they went to spain on holiday. Emma, Hayley and another friend Erica. Hayley found out two days in to said holiday that she was pregnant. Emma urged her to have an abortion. She was too young and this was the definition of an unplanned pregnancy.

Hayley was in love with her boyfriend and she wanted to keep him. Worst reason for keeping a kid. She decided to keep the baby. Left the holiday in spain early to go back and tell him.

Hayleys boyfriend (whose name I don't know) was apparently into drugs. Hayley got into drugs. They got high together. A lot.

Emma fell out with Hayley over the drugs. She couldn't understand why Hayley couldn't see it was wrecking her life. Eventually she turned and walked away. Can't say I blame her. You can be the best friend in the world but there's only so long you can watch some one self destruct before you give in and let go. I had a similar thing with a friend of mine. I feel so proud of him every time I see him that he pulled himself out of that hole.

Hayley and her boyfriend split up, leaving Hayley a drug addicted single mum.

Years later Emma and Hayley made contact again and tried to rekindle the friendship. Emma asked from the start if Hayley was on drugs. Hayleys response as I hear it was "I won't lie, if I was out on a saturday night and had the money I'd take some. But I don't go out and I can't afford it".

I think Emma thought she was dropping an E every now and again. Nope. Hayley was still using behind everyones back and on a regular basis.

Monday gone Emma found out that Hayley had killed herself whilst high.

I'm not sure why this affected me as much as it did. I didn't know Hayley. Don't even remember what she looks like except that mum informs me she was blonde. I've only got Mums word to go on for that. It shouldn't bother me. I hear far worse on a daily basis. It does bother me. I think about how stupid it is. How preventable it seems to be. It should never have happened this way. This was a young woman with everything to live for and it goes from there to her killing herself.

Emma said, quite profoundly "She was my friend and a happy wonderful person once. And that's how I'm going to remember her". Well I don't remember her, so all I can give you guys is this tragic story and this advice.

When you look back it all seems preventable but you've got to keep your eyes open to catch it happening. Do not let this be you or your loved ones. Control is an easy thing to let slip away and you don't often recognise you've lost it till it's long gone. Taking back your life is hard but the other end of that road is the one that poor Hayley took.

No rambles on this entry, I shall simply leave you with love. Be well; stay froody; keep making life awesome.