Kingdom Hearts: If The Heart Don't Fit, You Must Acquit in Gamer's Gaming

So, after realizing that the entry would be an insane amount longer than I originally thought it would be, I decided to break the game up by it’s levels, thus smaller entries, and also the subtitles. If you read the entry all the way through, they will make sense in time, I promise. So in the last entry, I covered the opening sequence of Kingdom Hearts, the events that began Sora’s journey as his island home was swallowed by the darkness, and his search for his friends Riku and Kairi that led to his joining up with Donald and Goofy in their search for King Mickey which took place in the refugee village of Traverse Town. This entry picks up as the newly formed trio of Sora, Donald, and Goofy leaves Traverse Town in their gummi ship and heads off to a new world. Hope anyone who reads this enjoys, and if nobody reads this, I’m sure I will still enjoy writing it. Now, on to the game…

Sora, Donald and Goofy blast away from Traverse Town on their way to a new world in search of Mickey, Riku, and Kairi. They almost immediately encounter resistance from the Heartless in the form of Heartless gummi ships. While the occasional swarms did appear, they offered little resistance to the trio as they made their way to the new world. After some careful piloting amongst the many obstacles, the group spotted a reddish landmass in the distance. They soon arrived nearby the new world and disembarked from the gummi ship. Their arrival in the new world was startling, however, as they found themselves falling down a deep hole. However, they landed with some form…well, except for Goofy, who landed face first on a chessboard-patterned floor. As Goofy raises his head, a white rabbit in a coat races by, staring at a watch almost as large as he is. The trio hears him fretting over being late for something as they take in the oddly patterned hallway that lays in front of them. With a shrug, the group follows the rabbit down the long hallway where they come upon a door. On the other side of the door, they notice the rabbit running through a smaller doorway that appears to have a face on the doorknob. Looking around the room, they also notice that they are very large in relation to the objects in the room. They see a fireplace on one side near a faucet that is jutting out from high on the wall. On the other side of the room, they see other furniture, such as a bed, chairs, and a clock…that is apparently painted on the wall. At the very least, it is completely flat. In fact, there are a few other objects that appear to be completely flat positioned around the room. Oddly enough, when Sora walks next to the bed, he is able to push it completely into the wall, revealing an opening far too small for the group to enter. Though it seems like they have reached a dead end, Sora attempts to open the door that the white rabbit went through. While he muses, trying to figure out how the rabbit got to be small enough to fit through such a tiny doorway, the doorknob speaks up, telling the group that they are just simply too big. Sora and pals jump back in confusion. A talking doorknob? Before they can say much of anything, Doorknob chides them for waking him up by being too loud and informs them that he is going back to sleep. Before Doorknob can drift back to sleep, Sora asks how they can become smaller. Doorknob directs them to drink from the bottle behind them. Just then, a table appears in the center of the room with two bottles on it: one red and one blue. Feeling brave, Sora picks up the blue bottle and takes a drink. The next thing they know, the group is standing in the middle of the table next to a couple of very large bottles. Guess that worked the way it was supposed to. Now everything in the room has become giant by comparison. With a shrug, the group leaps from the table to the floor in pursuit of the white rabbit. However, upon landing on the floor, they are attacked by a legion of Heartless. Apparently, they have infected this world as well. In addition to the usual Shadows and Soldiers, the group sees a new Heartless threat, the Red Nocturne, a floating Heartless with the power of fire. After eliminating the Heartless threat in the room, Sora and company proceed through the opening that was revealed when Sora moved the bed earlier. Through the opening, the group enters a hedge garden guarded by…playing cards? Where the hell are we? The guard cards pull back to the sides revealing an outdoor courtroom where a trial is apparently underway. The defendant, a young blond girl in a blue dress is standing before a raised stand. Sitting as judge at the top of the stand is a round-headed, unfortunate looking woman who is scowling down at the girl. As Sora and company approach the court, they see the white rabbit announcing that court is in session. Ok, so we have talking doorknobs, drinks that make a person smaller, playing cards with axes and lances, and now apparently we have a baliff who is a talking white rabbit. Oh, and this girl must be slow. It took the talking white rabbit announcing that court was in session to realize that she was on trial? Apparently our rotund judge is the Queen of Hearts, and she judges that the girl must be guilty of whatever she is on trial for because she said so. Where’s Johnny Cochrane when you need him? Sora suggests that they help the girl, but Donald and Goofy tell him that would be meddling in the affairs of the world, something they were ordered not to do. In the courtroom, the Queen finds the girl guilty of the crime of attempting to steal her heart. Hmm, this song sounds familiar, doesn’t it? Then the Queen sentences the girl to decapitation. Sora finally has had enough and charges into the courtroom. He informs the Queen that they know who the real culprit is. However, without any proof, the Queen locks up the girl she refers to as Alice in a cage and orders Sora and company to return with proof of Alice’s innocence. If they fail, the Queen promises that she will decapitate the lot of them. After all, there can be only one…sorry, wrong decapitation-themed creative property. The Queen sends the group off to find their evidence, telling them only to return when they are ready to present their proof. The trio takes off out a side entrance to the courtroom and emerges into a forest-like area.

The forest itself was a sight to behold. Everything Sora could see looked like things you would find in a regular garden: grass, flowers, tree stumps…except they were all one hundred times their normal size! As Sora tried to remind himself that such things were commonplace in this new world, things got curiouser and curiouser. A pink cat’s head appeared in mid-air, grinning like it had gotten the cream…man, do I hope somebody else gets these cliches and references I’m making. Anyhow, after disappearing and reappearing in different places, the cat’s head reappeared on a stump and the cat’s purple and pink striped body finally made it’s appearance, albeit while dancing on it’s own head. I’m not sure whether or not to credit Lewis Carroll or Walt Disney for the serious drugs that had to have been taken to come up with this stuff. In any case, after adjusting it’s head on top of it’s shoulders, Goofy managed to ask who the cat was. “Who indeed?” replied the cat. However, this cat knew much more than he let on as he mentioned how Alice was going to lose her head and yet, she was not guilty of a thing. It finally introduced itself as the Cheshire Cat and told the trio that while he may have the answers, he doesn’t always tell. He told them that the answers, the culprit, and the cat all lie in darkness. However, the culprit had already left the forest. Cheshire did, however, give them one important clue. He told Sora and company that there were four pieces of evidence in total and three should be a cinch to find. The fourth piece would be tricky, but there would be a big reward should they find all four. Donald questioned whether or not they should trust such a shady creature, but Cheshire left that for them to decide before disappearing. With such cryptic advice coming from such a confounding creature, the company crusaded on…jeez, this stuff is starting to make me alliterate. Well, with no choice, the crew continued - DAMN IT!!! STOP! …Ok, I’m fine now. Hmph, the trio had no choice but to try and find these clues Cheshire had hinted at. But where to start? Cheshire had hinted that the forest had multiple exits, so the group set out to find one. In their journey through the foresty garden, they came across many wonders. First, they were stopped by a plant asking for an ether of all things. As they had none on them at the time, they had to decline, but vowed they would try to come back with one. The group also found another blue trinity mark in a small alcove. The trinity mark released magic restoring bubbles and, of course, an ether. However, before Sora could leave the alcove, he spotted two things: a different colored plant and a small box. Sora walked up to the plant first. This yellow bloom wished for a potion. As Sora had plenty, he gave one to the plant. In return, the plant showered the trio with more magic bubbles and a Hi-Potion. Glad for the gift, Sora turned to the box. Inside the box lay their first clue: a set of footprints. Please, just don’t ask me how footprints got in a box. It’s Wonderland after all. Returning to the pink flower who wanted the ether, Sora gave it what it wanted and was rewarded with a shower of health balls and a camping set. Across the pathway, Sora found another yellow flower that offered to make him grow in exchange for a potion. Sora withheld for the moment, figuring his should explore the area more thoroughly first. On the journey, the trio continued to be accosted by Soldiers and Shadows, but had little trouble against what had now become a common foe. On the other side of the forest, they found a giant pebble blocking an exit. After searching around, Sora realized they could jump up to some leafy platforms. Using the rock, Sora reached a platform close to the door and discovered another box. Inside, he found antennae, similar to those seen on the Shadows. With two clues found, the group continued their search. On another platform, Sora found a chest. Inside he found the first three of the ninety nine dalmatian puppies that had gone missing! What a place to discover puppies. Through some magic of Donald’s, the puppies were instantly transported home to Pongo and Perdita. Just ninety six more to go. On a set of fungal platforms near where the crew found their first clue, Sora noticed an entrance to another room carved into the stem of a giant plant. With some trepidation, the group moved forward…

…Only to find themselves right back in the bizarre room with the talking doorknob, though in an area they could not reach before. Sure enough, right next to their landing spot was a third box. Inside the box, they uncovered a ghastly stench. Surely, this must be their third clue, though I would love to know who is boxing all of these things. I mean footprints? Stench? And who they hell would claim antennae from a Shadow just to put them in a box? Really. In any case, with three clues down, the group contemplated what to do next. Surely, they had enough evidence to prove Alice’s innocence to the Queen of Hearts. Still, something about that forest pulled at Sora. After all, the flower that offered to enlarge them was still there as was the fourth clue, not to mention a few other exits from the room the trio had spied but could not access. With curiosity bubbling, Sora set off back through the doorway and the Queen’s courtroom to the forest. I have to imagine the Queen is getting impatient, with her wanting to chop off everybody’s head, but why not explore some more? Sora’s first step was to talk to the flower that offered to help him grow for a potion. Sora gave the flower it’s potion and grew to five times his original size. Sora first approached the nearby stump that Cheshire had first appeared on. Standing on it, the stump sunk into the ground and created a platform to another exit for Sora to explore. Next, he approached the towering stalk with the exit into the bizarre room that he had used earlier. First, he knocked down a giant nut that seemed to be edible. However, when he attacked with his keyblade, the stalk spun in place! With nothing else for him to explore and seemingly no other way to reduce his size again, Sora ate the nut which immediate reduced him back to his normal size. With new areas to explore, the trio set off. Their first stop was the exit made accessible by sinking the stump. This exit also brought the group back into the bizarre room, but this time, they landed on a faucet of some sort. Upon looking to his right, Sora noticed a fourth box. Inside was the final clue: a set of claw marks. For Christ’s sake, how do they put these things in a box?!? <breathes deeply=""> Sorry, I am calm. After opening the box, Cheshire appeared once again, congratulating the group on finding all four clues. Sora proclaimed that now they could save Alice, but Cheshire warned him not to be so sure. He said that Alice may be innocent, but what about the trio themselves. However, as promised, Cheshire rewarded the group with the power of ice. Now, Sora had access to both the Fire and Blizzard spells. With his arsenal growing, Sora headed back to the forest to see if there might be something he missed, as the Cat’s cryptic words left him worried about the fate of himself and his new friends. However, even after exploring another accessible exit, no new clues revealed themselves so Sora and crew decided it was time to face the Queen of Hearts and her judgment.

After ascending the podium, Sora presented the evidence he, Donald and Goofy had found. The Queen was impressed, but not entirely convinced as she had her own piece of evidence, which she added to the mix. Flighty and attention deprived as the Queen is, she decided it would be a wasted to check all five pieces of evidence, so she bade Sora to choose which piece of evidence he would present. As all the evidence had been mixed up, Sora was left to chance, hoping that the box he chose would be once of the four pieces of evidence the group had found. Sora complained that they had gone to all the trouble of finding all that evidence at which point the Queen became enraged (wow…what a shock…) and threatened decapitation should Sora complain again. With that in mind, Sora descended the podium and stood in front of box three. Hoping with all his might, Sora reached out and opened the box…to reveal a Soldier Heartless. Sora had chosen correctly. The Queen was stunned, asking what in the world had just appeared. Sora proclaimed that she now had her evidence proving that Alice was innocent. The Queen had other ideas however. Angered at having been proven wrong, she proclaimed that anyone who defies the Queen is guilty at which point, Donald exclaimed that that was crazy. Boiling over, the Queen ordered her guards to seize the group immediately. A battle between the trio and the Queen’s card guards. Early in the fight, however, the Queen ordered her guards to keep the trio from touching a tower that had appeared in the middle of the ground, else they would lose their heads. With this obvious target now identified, Sora made for the tower whilst Goofy and Donald did their best to defend him. The tower had a wheel on each of it’s three sides. After some effort, Sora destroyed the first wheel and made for the second one. The second also fell in short order, followed closely by the final wheel. With all three wheels destroyed, Sora made to fell the tower itself. Piece by piece, the tower crumbled until finally, Sora reduced it to rubble, lowering Alice’s cage. When the curtain came off the cage, however, Alice had disappeared! Donald posited that she must have been kidnapped during the fight. Finally thinking somewhat clearly, the Queen ordered her guards to find the kidnapper immediately. With the search for Alice on, Sora and company set off in search of the innocent girl.

Upon reentry into the forest, a nearby flower spit out a giant pebble, one that looked just like the one that was blocking the entrance at the far side of the forest earlier. And true to form, Cheshire appeared to the group upon the rock, balancing himself upside down on his elbows. Donald queried Cheshire if he had seen Alice. He said he had not seen Alice, but he had seen Shadows. When Goofy asked where they had gone, Cheshire told them that left, right, up, or down, it didn’t matter. The Shadows had completely messed up direction within the forest. He then directed them to step deeper into the forest and go to the deserted garden. He claimed that they might find the Shadows in the upside down room. With this puzzling bit of information in their hands, the group set off deeper into the forest. However, a short way in, they were assaulted by a group of Soldiers along with a new menace, called a Large Body. This giant, round Heartless did not seem to do much at first, but when it attacked, it packed a giant wallop! Frontal attacks did not seem to help much, but with a combination of magic and attacks from behind, the group soon felled their giant foe along with all of the Soldiers, Shadows, and Red Nocturnes that appeared along with it. With their path cleared, they moved on. In the deepest part of the Lotus Forest, the trio discovered that the giant pebble spit out by the flower was indeed the same one that had blocked their exit earlier. Stepping through the exit, they emerged into a garden area with a small cottage. There was a table that appeared to be set for a party a portrait of an odd man in a large hat and a hare wearing a jacket. However, as strange had become the norm for the group, they walked in unphased by their surroundings. Next to the portrait of the odd couple, there was a sign that read, “A very merry unbirthday.” Feeling that they were meant to sit at the table, the trio took turns sitting in the various chairs. Sitting in some chairs showered them with gifts. Sitting in others led to being attacked by various Heartless enemies. After sitting to their hearts’ content, the group approached the cottage and entered through the front door…

…To find themselves back in the bizarre room once more. Except, this time, the room they entered was upside down! Cheshire was standing nearby as they entered the door to greet them into this upside down world. He told them that the Shadows were hiding somewhere and the momeraths outgrabe…wait, what? Jesus, who came up with this stuff? Shit, nevermind. Anyhow, Cheshire advised that if the trio wished to find the Shadows, they would simply need to try turning on the light. Nearby, the trio found two unlit lamps. After battling through some more Heartless, Sora approached one of the lamps and touched it with his keyblade, setting it ablaze. On the roof…umm, floor…uh, whatever…in any case, one what was normally the floor of the room, a flower pot appeared. Cheshire reappeared next to the unlit lamp and told Sora that it was still too dim in the room. He needed to make it brighter. Sora jumped to the other lamp and touched it with his keyblade, setting this one ablaze also. Cheshire appeared again to tell them that it was now bright enough and the Shadows should appear soon in this room, but somewhere else, warning the group that the Shadows may attempt to attack the Doorknob. With this new information, Sora and company set off toward another door in the room. This one led back to the Queen’s garden, though on top of some nearby hedges, where they found a gummi piece in a chest. With this loot in tow, Sora and company made their way back into the forest. It was then that it occured to Sora that perhaps he could find more areas to explore if he could only push that giant pebble somewhere. But how? It was then that Sora spotted the flower that would make him grow in exchange for a potion. Sora fed a potion to the flower and grew to sky once again. Pushing the pebble into the nearby pond caused some lotus plants to raise up out of the water and provide a path to a previously unexplored area. Sora hit the giant stalk in the center of the forest again to gain access to the nut that would allow him to shrink back down to size. Back to his normal size again, Sora and company scaled the newly raised leafy platforms and landed in a small area with an exit,a blue trinity mark, and some other flowers. Activating the trinity mark showered the group with magic balls and another camping set. One flower asked for a hi-potion. As Sora had gotten one from another plant earlier, he was more than happy to repay the favor to his new found plant friends. This plant showered the group with magic balls and an extremely powerful mega-potion. Talk about gratitude! Another set of flowers nearby asked to be shocked. Donald told Sora they probably meant for him to try using a Thunder spell on them, but as Sora had yet to obtain this power, he vowed to remember to return later and find out what would happen. With that in the back of his mind, Sora led Donald and Goofy through the nearby exit. This exit also led them back to the hedges surrounding the Queen’s garden, where another chest awaited. Inside, Sora found three more of the lost dalmatian puppies. Donald quickly worked his magic to transport them back home to join their parents and three siblings that made it home earlier. Six down, ninety-three to go. Sora figured with the luck they had had so far, he might see if the upside down bizarre room had affected any of the exits he had already discovered. Back in the forest, the trio came upon a most curious Heartless that would not attack, but seemed to want something. Jiminy Cricket informed the group that these were known as White Mushrooms. Apparently, White Mushrooms are nonviolent and may cough up an item if Sora could help them. However, Sora had little luck decoding the meanings behind their various gestures, so he moved on, hoping to study them more and discover the meaning behind their movements. Making his way through the exit in the stalk in the center of the forest, Sora and crew reemerged into the bizarre room…however, this time, the room lay on its side! On one side of the room, there was a faucet. Turning the faucet on caused a pot to grow out of the floor…um, wall…well, you get the idea by now. Entering the pot brought the group back to the hedges in the Queen’s garden, next to one final chest. Inside lay another gummi piece. Sora decided to see if all the previous exits had changed the layout of the bizarre room, so after another series of growing, spinning the giant stalk, and shrinking again, Sora made his way through another of the exits to find the bizarre room in yet another position. Touching one of the lamps along this wall made a chest appear out of a decorative lion’s head. This chest held a defense boost, which Sora gave to Donald. Lighting another lamp on the wall caused a nearby frame to become a painting. The painting brought them into another previously unexplored area. Sora saw a white trinity mark and some more flowers. One flower asked for an elixir. In exchange, the flower gave the group munny and a mythril shard. The other flower asked for a potion. In exchange, this flower presented the group with more magic balls and a hi-potion. At last, Sora realized it was time to face down the Shadows. The trio made their way back into the Queen’s garden and moved through the exit back into the original bizarre room for their confrontation with the Shadows that plagued this world. Inside the room, the trio found Cheshire lounging on the table. He told them that they would have a better view from higher up in the room. The trio made their way onto the table and spoke to Cheshire, who informed them that the Shadows should be there soon. Sure enough, no sooner had the Cat opened his maw, a giant Heartless bounded out of nowhere. The tall, lanky Heartless unfurled his arms, revealing juggling sticks. Donald, Goofy, and Sora had finally come face to face with the Heartless that had attacked Wonderland, The Trickmaster. Trickmaster’s height made him impossible to attack from the floor, so Sora attempted to attack with jumping slashes and magic while Donald attacked with magic of his own and Goofy attempted to defend and strike with his shield. The trio’s attacks met with success as they stunned the Trickmaster, causing him to drop health balls for the group. At one point, Trickmaster even managed to set his juggling clubs ablaze and attacked the group with this new menace. No matter the attack, the trio kept up their attack of the Trickmaster’s body and finally managed to fell their foe. As the Trickmaster collapsed, a beam of light shown forth and a giant Heart was released from within, leaving the Trickmaster to fade away into the light itself. With a job well done, the crew looked forward to a pat on the back and a job well done…except, this is Wonderland. All the trio received was a complaint from the nearby Doorknob, complaining about all the racket they had caused. However, as the Doorknob yawned, Sora spotted a keyhole. Reacting to the appearance of the keyhole, Sora’s keyblade shimmered and shot out a beam of light at the keyhole, locking something inside the Doorknob. Out of the now-locked keyhole spouted an unusual gummi piece. Goofy claimed that it didn’t look like any other gummi piece he had ever seen. Donald picked up the gummi and tucked it safely away as the Cheshire Cat appeared once more on the table in the middle of the room, proclaiming Sora to be quite the hero. He then informed the trio that if they were looking for Alice, it was no good. She had been taken by the Shadows into the darkness. Sora was disheartened, but Donald suggested that the trio go back to their gummi ship and try finding her in another world. With Wonderland now safe from the threat of the Heartless, the trio set off to where they entered Wonderland to teleport back to their ship. With the search for Alice on, the trio made their way back past Traverse Town, through more Heartless resistance and finally reached a new world where columns towered and two large golden statues stood, locked in combat. With a pause to wonder what they might lay in wait for them in this newly discovered world, the trio disembarked once more…

Last updated April 09, 2015