Here with me in 2023

  • April 20, 2023, 8:51 p.m.
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  • Public

You’re with me forever now, Babes. Permanently in ink on my arm. You would be with me always regardless, but having your writing on my arm now feels a little closer.

I keep running my fingers over the swelling of the letters. I wish they would stay slightly raised like this forever, so I could feel your words with my fingertips too.

I woke up crying this morning. Part of me wants to start taking the night terror meds again .. I haven’t had the terrors in the last couple weeks since being off them but .. I’m not sleeping thoroughly without them either. I just keep hoping you’ll come back to me in a dream, like you did the first night.

It doesn’t hurt when I’m asleep. But the moment I’m conscious, I remember you’re gone. Sometimes, like this morning, the tears come become I’m even fully awake.

I cried silently through the tattoo. There was no pain in my arm, just the ache in my heart. I kept hoping I would feel somethinganything that would take away the grief in my soul.

When she placed the stencil and had me check it before starting … it was the first time I’d seen your dates like that … your birth date and your death date.

And now I say things like, it’s in memory of my late husband. I know we weren’t married and we weren’t ever going to get married because we’d been there done that, but … if I’m a widow now, you’re my late husband.

God I miss you. So much, Babes. So fucking much.


Jigger April 20, 2023

I saw. It’s lovely. I am so sorry.

TrippyNina April 21, 2023

I wish I had the words to make things a little easier. Just know that I've been sending you love and light.
xoxoxoxo

Bomb Shell April 21, 2023

I had a tattoo too, it was lyrics from “our song” and it was also so poignant with the way he died. I had the same font and same positioning as a tattoo that he had.

I also had a lot of dreams that he came back, but I hated them because it felt like I lost him all over again every time I woke up. I’m glad your dreams bring you comfort though. 💜

And yes, I too call myself a widow even though we weren’t married. So many similarities, I can feel your pain 💜

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