Truths in 2023
- April 19, 2023, 11:58 a.m.
- |
- Public
I know stress contributed to Chris’s heart attack. We’ve had a tough year … putting Turk down in January at only 3yrs old, then losing his beloved Socks in March to old age at 13yrs.
Then finding out I have a brain tumor and have to see a specialist next month, and do MRIs and all that bullshit. Fuck. He was so worried about me, despite me telling him this was a good thing that I finally have a diagnosis.
All that stress. All those years he didn’t take care of himself. I keep telling myself that maybe when I switched us off white rice to brown, white bread to whole grain, etc that I gave him 6 more months here and there.
All the pieces that fell in to place to finally bring us together … was it so he didn’t die alone in his bed? Unnoticed until he had to go to work and just .. didn’t? Is that why the universe finally allowed us, after all those years, to be together for such a brief time? So he could die beside me? Loved, cherished beyond measure … ?
And now … now I don’t care about this thing in my head. Who is going to take me to the city to see the specialist now? I don’t know where to go, he did.
Fuck.
He took care of me. Such good care of me and I … didn’t.
Bomb Shell ⋅ April 19, 2023
You can do it, you will realise you are stronger than you ever thought possible 💜
TrippyNina ⋅ April 19, 2023
Did Chris have any indications that he might have a heart attack? High blood pressure?
You can and will move forward. It's just going to be teeny tiny baby steps right now. My sister lost her husband this past September to a heart attack and while it's been overwhelming, the grief is strong and can take her over, each day is getting a tad better.
A broken heart is an open heart.
xoxoxo
~*Phoenix*~ TrippyNina ⋅ April 19, 2023
Looking back, yes. But the small little signs were attributed to other things like anxiety. His bp was apparently ok though now I question that too. The "panic attacks" were probably angina. Hindsight.
Jigger ⋅ April 20, 2023
If that’s one good thing out of all this, then take it. He was loved, he was at home, he was safe. He was found and his body was cared for immediately.
Please find a way to take care of your brain. Your kids are launched, but they’re still young, and they need you. You’re still young! You have so much to do. Even if all that is for a long time is just feeding and walking your dogs, and minding your own health, and watching your babies learn better and better flying strategies.