Truths in 2023

I know stress contributed to Chris’s heart attack. We’ve had a tough year … putting Turk down in January at only 3yrs old, then losing his beloved Socks in March to old age at 13yrs.

Then finding out I have a brain tumor and have to see a specialist next month, and do MRIs and all that bullshit. Fuck. He was so worried about me, despite me telling him this was a good thing that I finally have a diagnosis.

All that stress. All those years he didn’t take care of himself. I keep telling myself that maybe when I switched us off white rice to brown, white bread to whole grain, etc that I gave him 6 more months here and there.

All the pieces that fell in to place to finally bring us together … was it so he didn’t die alone in his bed? Unnoticed until he had to go to work and just .. didn’t? Is that why the universe finally allowed us, after all those years, to be together for such a brief time? So he could die beside me? Loved, cherished beyond measure … ?

And now … now I don’t care about this thing in my head. Who is going to take me to the city to see the specialist now? I don’t know where to go, he did.

Fuck.

He took care of me. Such good care of me and I … didn’t.