Who Am I in QUOTIDIEN

For far more than half my life, I've been 'Dave's wife', 'Mrs. G'. And most of the decisions I've made were taking into account the wishes of my husband. His moods would often dictate how I acted in certain situations.

Widowhood has allowed me to begin...or restart being fully me, this old me - premarital me enhanced by my life's experiences.

No, it hasn't been easy - but I am appreciating the strength that people have long said I have, but figured were most likely comments on a carefully crafted illusion. I am shocked at how peace has pursued me in this, as well as a sense of balance, and dare I even say it, joy!

I still worry about selling this blasted house in healthy, financial time, will I be an adequate parent, can I make it all work? I am human, after all. But overall, I'm liking who I am proving to be - this new me.

But, and isn't there always one of those - someone just stuck their finger into the vortex of this new creation, and part of me wonders if it will endanger the outcome of this new blend.

Do I pray that it doesn't, or will this experience enhance the person I am ultimately meant to be?