lay my head under the water in 2013-2014

Oh, where to start. Let's go thematically, rather than chronologically.

exercise
I have not been exercising, and barely watching my diet in the loosest sense of the meaning (oh yes that is food it's going in my mouth yum). I want to. I would love to. I've done life-things that were strenuous (packing, moving 38 pounds of cat litter, playing rough with the boy), but nothing organized. I took a walk during lunch last week. That was pretty much it. It felt really good to move. I can feel my knees and hips/back tightening up and I don't like it.

I posted on Facebook that I had a mud/sweat/chaos craving and needed either a mud run or a concert or both and one thing lead to another, and then it turns out Rachel was considering the Down & Dirty in Conyers in October. I did that one last year and loved it. So now I'm twitching, because I'd love to, and I grumbled to Aaron, and of course his response was "want to do the 10k?"

Between that and the Beat the Blerch virtual 10k going up online, suddenly I'm roped in for two 10ks this fall. Considering how the longest I've ever done is a 7k, I should probably get to training. And that should compensate for my fluffy slacking this month and get me back on track to have a sub-30 waist by December.

After this whole moving thing is done.

this whole moving thing
The student worker-as-petsitter thing didn't work, as I found out Thursday afternoon via shifty-eyed-and-weak-excuse. So I called my vet Friday morning, secured her pricy services, and left work at 12:30 to deliver the key. I ate lunch, took a nap, showered, got potentially stinky household chores under control, and then left for Charleston. I was full of happy energy, borderline hyper, the whole drive down.

Saturday began with a tour of a townhouse. The townhouse itself wasn't too bad, but I didn't like how it was run. The owners are a giant question mark. I didn't get the best vibes from the manager when we talked. I have to do all my own minor maintenance or risk a major charge for calling him out that is decided almost by whim. The neighbors aren't under the same owner/manager, which means there's no accountability or coherence in terms of damage repair or upkeep. He's not even sure there are neighbors; half the block might be vacant. He had no idea what the optimum mold-prevention temperature was. If the neighbor's collie gets fleas or a roach infestation, I have to take care of all pest control myself. They spray once at the beginning. That's it.

Yeah, no. If I wanted that much financial responsibility, I'd buy my own place. That sent giant warning lights all over the place in my facilities management brain.

We checked three places on the outskirts of town, two of which were really nice, but either had no vacancies or were randomly closed and the other was kind of questionable-looking (for price and appearance, there are cheaper options in town). We broke for lunch and reconvened at the apartment.

The afternoon had four drop-ins. One had a flyer out front that just straight-up said that there was an income verification requirement, which ruled that right out. We took the flyer and left. The next gave us a tour and I really liked it, although the utility closet/WD might not be code. She showed us the unit I'd move into and it has a great location. The fees are reasonable and it's a finalist--but income requirement. Another was cheaper but had a BRUTAL pet fee ($700 for both pets), but no application or deposit to balance it out. It's just down the road from him. The last was his complex, which I also liked a lot, and they have an immediate opening, on the first floor, and he'd cut the fees in half for me and give Aaron a $150 referral bonus toward rent, and DAMN IT WHY ARE THERE INCOME VERIFICATIONS.

With a job, I could honestly have my pick of these great places. I have their applications and numbers that I can email in and such, with the checks, but AHH. I was frustrated. I messaged my mom. She sent me advice.

"I lived in a trailer park when I first moved out of my family's home. I still have some nightmares, but hey, it's better than living in your car in someone's driveway."

Mom, forty years of nightmares is not a good sales pitch.

My immediate solution was to take a nap. It was a glorious nap full of boy cuddles and kitty cuddles.

That night we went to his friend's house for the guys' D&D. Ali wasn't home, so I curled up on the couch by the bookshelf, pulled on Aaron's enormous sweatshirt, and picked out a book to read. When Ali came home, we talked about weddings and looked at wedding dresses. She told me, swore to me, that I will not get to eat at my wedding. I've enlisted Heather and I will freaking eat if I have to duct tape a cheeseburger to my leg under the dress. When I told Aaron, our brains leapt around like frogs until we had arrived at the idea of a unity turkey leg, instead of a candle. We can tie a ribbon around the end for formality. If we won't be left in peace long enough to eat, we can at least make the traditions edible. Like my bacon bouquet.

I wanted to attach a candle to the end as well for a flaming turkey leg. He drew the line at that. Aw.

We got home shortly before midnight and he cooked us up some steaks with apple juice and honey whiskey, which mixed perfectly. When Aimee got home, she put on How I Met Your Mother. So we watched Netflix and Aaron messed with his card game and Micah joined in as well, and after a good binge of episodes I asked Aimee what time it was. 3:45am. BEDTIME.

Aaron went with me, leaving his cards, even though it wasn't necessary. We lied in bed in the dark and he curled up to cuddle on me. He really likes doing that, but it generally indicates some kind of concern/discontent. When I asked, he admitted to being very worried about this whole move-job thing. He had cozied up to me earlier that afternoon, concerned about my mental health, as well. I told him I'm still not worried. I let it sit, then asked if he would give me the credit when a miracle happened. He's not the most willing to give all credit to God for things and it kind of makes him twitch when people don't claim and credit their own strength. We didn't hash that out in its glorious theology at 4am, but I did say that when it happened, it would be all God and not me, and he accepted that with some wincing about hating flying by the seat of one's pants. He's such a planner.

I asked him about his comments earlier about cleaning up his life, about getting more into church. He didn't have much concrete besides giving up alcohol (a church tenant; they're dry) and he's barely a drinker to begin with. I made it clear that I am not giving up alcohol, because I'm a total spaz and alcohol is a good downer for me when I get too high-strung and stressed. Pills are overkill, but a glass of wine or whatever is perfect. It's not a coping mechanism. It lets me sleep at night. (Also, it's fun.) But I kissed his cheek and asked that he talk to me about these things, because I like to know them and because he's not on his own with them, it's an us-thing. And he cuddled back and said thanks and sounded fairly (shyly) pleased.

We readjusted for sleep and he began to doze off. I stared at the dark wall.

I had previously been fussing, about the same lessons over and over again and particularly hating this one. I've done this before. I moved to Georgia without a job lined up and I had even less money than I do now. I have thoroughly learned this lesson about God's timing and provision, to the point where I'm hardly even stressed right now. That said, I do not particularly want to play this game again. It's inconvenient, irritating, and I hate not having concrete answers to give to the people helping me move.

But this isn't about me.

I know this lesson. I understand about plans and control and timing and giving it all up. Aaron does not. I am unspeakably proud and excited and emotional that he's open to maturing his faith and exploring his beliefs, and I am thrilled and honored that I'm allowed to be a part of that. Unfortunately, this means that I get dragged down in his messy life lessons, even if I've already passed the class. Unmentioned joy of getting married.

I'm still full of confidence and faith. I'm still excited and energetic, the two biggest positive indicators that I'm doing the right thing. As anxious as I am naturally, the absence of anxiety is really significant to me. There are 10 days before my lease ends and I need somewhere to park my butt and my animals and my stuff. I will be earning work hours through Friday and then any leftover time off will get paid out as well. I have two more paychecks scheduled.

It does not escape me that when we were getting drinks at the gas station, Aaron found the dime on the sidewalk. I just found the penny by the cash register.

I'm okay. I know I'm okay. Inconvenienced and uncomfortable, but okay. I'll send out another slew of job applications tomorrow. As much as I hate it when these things come down to the eleventh hour, I'm excited to see what's in store.

family photo
Not everyone got to go to the family reunion. Aaron's mom stayed at home to help dogsit so that Kara and her three kids could go. His sister Aimee couldn't get off work. His brother Steven and his wife were 9 months pregnant in South Dakota. So our 'family photo' at the reunion was incomplete.

His dad posted this collage last night, with everyone, including the new baby. My heart is full. THIRTEEN PEOPLE!

Top, L to R: Mom, Steven's baby Emmie, Stephanie and Steven
Bottom: Katy, Micah, Dad, Kara and Leah, Aaron, me, Jack in front of me, Aimee