evan, disheartened, hurt. in The Wonderland Years: 2014. Done.

yeah so. frankly i'm a bit disheartened.

So, evan. we're. we're not as content as we could be. I think we're actually better when we're in each other's company than just like. talking on the phone or something. So during the arts fest I told him about some of the stuff my mom had done, said. and I thought he'd have a bigger reaction than he did. I thought he'd at least be like 'oh wow'. no he was 'well it's not as bad as it could be but it's not as good either' and 'I don't know what to say'. yeah um. ok he's really good at putting things in perspective but. that's not what would've helped.

The reason I didn't talk write about it for so long was bc. it wasn't 'that bad'. others wouldn't've seen it that way. so it just didn't matter. it's like none of it ever happened. [I had a better way to articulate this but I just lost it]. but to me it was. and I want other people to react like it is. it makes me feel. validated. I want to feel like my stuff matters. ya know?

it hurts, honestly.