What the hell, Animal Planet? in Fish On!

Dear Animal Planet,

Thank you for totally wrecking my Wednesday night River Monsters Unhooked viewing experience.

There I was, trying to learn something about the rare and elusive Glyphis garricki whilst doing my best to pretend to ignore the oh-so distracting and delectable Jeremy Wade -- when my concentration was shattered by an untimely commercial for Trojan Lubricants.

"Tingly Warmth"? "Continuous Silkiness"? "Arouses and Intensifies"?

Damn you, Animal Planet.

Suddenly I was consumed by horribly inappropriate musings, such as: Is it hypoallergenic? Waterproof? Does it come in a convenient travel size? Is it, like the Trojan adjustable vibrator, illegal in AL, CO, GA, KS, LA, MS, TX, and VA? How about Brazil? And that "Continuous Silkiness" one -- how, exactly, do they define "continuous"? And is that a definition we can all agree on?

And from there, my musings went in a direction that I certainly won't share with you, Animal Planet, aka the "Ha ha, we know why you're watching River Monsters Unhooked repeats on Wednesday night" Channel.

And in the end, what with all the distractions, I didn't even notice if Jeremy Wade finally caught a Glyphis shark or not.

Do you know how hard it has been to convince certain people that I'm watching the show solely because of the fish??? All this time, I've had to be like: "Jeremy Wade? Oh, he seems like a nice enough fellow, I suppose. Oh, look! Is that an Arapaima gigas? How exciting!"

And until now, Animal Planet, you appeared to be in collusion with the whole charade, tactfully ignoring the prurient-interest demographic. What changed? Why did you have to draw attention to our existence so suddenly and blatantly?

Well, all I can say is, now that you've outed us, we damn well better be seeing a lot more of Jeremy Wade without his shirt on.

Sincerely,
Kimber