Sex, Again in The Stuff That's Not Interesting But Is The Most Interesting Stuff I'll Write

Well, my sex drought is over.

But it was not the kind of situation I would've preferred. It was, once again, with a straight guy. Who is 19. And Latino. So I guess not much progress has been made in the last five years when it comes to my sexual activity.

For some reason, I'm taking this very hard. It's not any worse than anything I've ever done before, but for some reason this time feels different. I had thought that I had made such great strides toward being a different kind of person, and having done this in this specific situation just makes me feel like I'm going backwards.

He's a guy that I've known for a couple of years, in fact, he was once the roommate of the guy who raped me a year ago. I suppose that's one reason why I'm a little confused. I was not expecting this to happen with him ever. He did initiate it, and I reacted as I always did, openly. I think another reason that I'm so perturbed by the situation is because he thought I was a different person.

My friends have been trying to set me up with a guy that they've known for a few months now, and for whatever reason, we've never been the same social situation. However, this night we were in the same social situation and we got along very well. He's extremely cute, extremely open-minded, loves Stevie Nicks, and has a really good sense of humor. Plus, he knows how to wind himself around social situations and example being the way that he got into the bar even though he's only 19.

This young man was a witness to the entire sexual transgression that occurred because he slept next to the guy who had raped me. We were all on the same couch, and with the exception of the aforementioned rapist, everyone was pretty much awake. Immediately after the incident, my partner in crime packed up and got out of Dodge before anyone else could wake up. Soon it was just me and the other gay guy asleep in the room, and I felt really awful. And pretty disgusting.

He held my hand I drifted off to sleep for about an hour before we both decided we should head to our respective homes. He was kind enough to drop me off home. As he left, I couldn't help but realize that I screwed up something that could've been really cool. Although I'm not exactly sure how I would've played the whole situation different, I just know that I should've found another way.