Grumpy. in Since OD is shutting down....

So we ran to the store early this morning and got groceries. I got plenty of food and will be making dinner every night this week and I’ve already told my daughter we won’t be getting fast food. I made spaghetti for lunch where she took a couple of bites and then threw up! This is what she does when she doesn’t want to eat what I cook. I let her know that she’s gonna go hungry until she’s ready to eat food at home. She hasn’t bugged once for snacks or sweets so I think we’re off to a great start.

I managed to lay down for a little while and then got up and did dishes. I’m super grumpy because being a single Mom is super exhausting and it sucks to always be the one to keep her busy and make sure she has shit to do. She asked if my Mom could come over yesterday and I told her now because I don’t know how to explain to a 5 year old that Grandma can’t come around because she lets Grampa control every aspect of her life.

Yesterday I didn’t hear from anyone in my family. We did a couple of egg hunts and then my daughter took a nap so I just watched a movie and hung out by myself. I am really sick of having no one to talk to here. My loneliness is really getting to me.

I’m just so tired of my life the way it is. Nothing is ever going to change or get better. Until I’m ready to pay someone a ridiculous amount of money to watch my kid, I’m never going to plan any kind of social life. I’m stressed about my job interview tomorrow because I won’t be able to work more than 4 hours a day and I’ll have to tell them if my daughter needs to be picked up, I have to leave because there’s no one else to help.

As much as I accept my situation, I have my days or moments where things really get to me. I wish I could seriously just take everything in stride, but sometimes my stress and anxiety really get hard to deal with. It makes me angry that no one gives a shit about us or the fact that I really struggle with my mental health. I have 2 friends and if they are busy, I have no one talk to. Sometimes I feel like I can’t breathe. Like I’m literally drowning.

It also pisses me off to see how much SD gets to go out and not give a flying fuck about his kid. He’s always at the fucking bar. It’s pretty sad that he doesn’t give a shit about his kid or what I could be going through. I don’t get to have a life at all while he gets to scamper around completely responsibility free.