Diet ending in Bittersweet

Well its been almost 2 months.
The first month, i gave up everything. No sugar, no carbs ( except that in limited fruits and veggies) No fats, no grains, very low calorie.

Here’s what I realized.
It made me dumb. I had a harder time thinking, I was more spacy ( if an ADHDer can get MORE spacy lmao) it was like my meds didnt work.
I got depressed. I felt terrible in SO many ways. Physically i felt good, mentally i was a wreck. I cried when other people ate. I felt like i had SO much taken from me. Something good happened and I couldn’t partake. At work we celebrate food holidays monthly and I couldn’t eat any. On chips and salsa day, my coworkers were HAVE SOME HAVE SOME. And I took one and they kept saying have more, You LOVE tortilla chips. And i ate the one and i cried because i felt like a terrible fat person. My boss got donuts for everyone because we won an award and everyone knows i love the rasp berry jelly donut so no one ate it. I didn’t eat it, I threw it away. I didn’t say Oh good job girl. You threw the donut away. I felt like crap!
If i licked something i shouldn’t i wanted to cry.
I realized this diet, SO restrictive, is giving you an eating disorder. The only GOOD habit its building, is eating 4-6 oz of veggies 3 times a day. That’s IT!
Month two I added in some fats. Tony started forcing me to eat fats.
I had bacon for breakfast about 4 times a week and had some butter on my veggies. and guess what, It all got better! I felt better. I had more energy. I started working out 2-4 times a week doing HIIT with resistance bands. But then i Injured my knee two weeks ago. I go to the dr tomorrow to make sure I didn’t tear something. I think i just strained my joints too much.
BUT I started getting headaches pretty bad this month. Could be random. Could be the fake sugar. So I cut the fake sugar protein drinks out of my diet. I
Starting in April ( well last week) I drank a sugar free soda. Not a diet, those taste nasty but a sugar free one. No headache and the taste isn’t so bad. Now im craving soda all the time. So that good work was undone.
In the last week, Ive added back in gluten in small amounts. I made a roast with gravy and my kids were SO excited because Mom is cooking again. That says something. Because I couldn’t stand cooking things I couldn’t eat. Tonight I’m making a hearty beef stew, even though its warm out. The kids want soup! They want moms cooking. T tried. Lord knows he tried! He tried to make me food that would be in my diet, and try new things but the kids missed moms foods. The flavors that scream my meals. I didn’t eat as much as I used to. Its hard to eat much food at this point.
I’ve always worked with a fasting schedule/ Even before it was a “diet thing” I did it in the 90s as a teen. This diet broke that schedule. They say it speeds up the metabolism. However you don’t speed up your metabolism. You train your body to use more calories by working out. Your metabolism is always working. Else you would die.
This diet says you would be in a calorie deficit and loose weight. I was in a massive deficit and didn’t loose until I started adding in bacon and getting back into eating more fats. Then I started loosing. So no, not just being in a deficit works for me. But then again, I have an autoimmune body and im not the same as a typical person. Other people burn their fat stores, My body shuts systems down. So I sleep. A lot. I’m not energized or enthusiastic ( although im not very enthusiastic on a good day anyway haha so lets not dull what sparkle I manage to find in my life.
So I learned that deficits do not work for me.
Depravation ( not eating the foods I enjoy) doesn’t work for me.
Low fat doesn’t work.
Gluten free is good! ( except i still need gravy every now and again, and a cinnamon roll but im working on learning more gluten free options for me for those too)
B 12 injections do NOTHING if your body is hyper saturated on B vitamins in general lmao!

In total. Do you want to know what we spent on the program, plus vitamins, plus protein drinks. Roughly 1700 dollars.
I lost 10 lbs. 6 of more like ” water weight” when i first started restricting, and 4 more when I started eating fats again.
Fasting works. Its free. Low carb works, Its easy. Replacing some of the gluten options for me only works, But only if I dont do a big pot of soup ( I Am NOT thickening that with gluten free stuff for 8 people lmao)
The airfryer is awesome.
Vitamins are a must. Even if I pee neon yellowy green all the time.

And all this for the low low credit card debt of almost 2 THOUSAND dollars.
I could have bought a lot of shit for 2k. So yeah to say im pissed about it is an understatement. They are not up front about shit, Like you MUST buy their vitamins in addition to the program. You MUST drink their drinks and buy them in addition to the program. Their drinks have aspartame and Splenda in them which I react to. ( But they are TOTALLY SAFE and better then the others on the market) You dont need to work out at all, The fat just melts off. “if you aint peein, the fat aint fleein” they said that many a times. Bitch, I drink 100 oz of water average, i do NOT pee more then anyone else lmao.

My takeaway. Continue with low impact ( no knees) HIIT. Its working a lot. I started loosing inches when I did that. Walking 6K steps a day. Eventually more.
STOP reaching for sugar. I feel like im making up for not having it for two months. I indulged in the kids easter candy today. But you know what. That is OK! Ill be careful throughout the week and STOP going for 4 mini snickers in a day.
Continue adding in more servings of veggies to meals But things like Peas, Carrots, and Corn are ok too! I cant JUST eat broccoli, cauliflower and cucumbers! Get some fruits in, They are good too. Oh and Hey, I can eat a fucking potato. Its not BAD!
And get back on the fasting schedule that has WORKED my entire life and stop letting other people convince me that their process is better for my life..

I really feel like a moron.
I did go down a size so there is that. I technically have another.. oh i donno 1.5 months on the diet. But im ready to totally stop going.