Slump the remix in Current Events

This morning I chose passive aggression. I did to my roommate what my mother did to me when I was a deadbeat 19 year old that lived with her. I was up early and decided to be as loud as possible while I cleaned the apartment. Blasted my music, was obnoxious with the vacuum. I pulled out all of the appliances and went behind them but didn’t rush to put them back. The floors behind them needed to dry. I had the coffee maker on its clean cycle. I took the covers off the cushions of the couch and put them in the wash, and then shampooed the rest of the couch so I wouldn’t have her laying there like a useless cow while I did chores. The joke was on me in the end. She pushed everything out of her way, turned the coffee maker off clean mode and made her coffee. Left me with the mess. Left me with her mess all day so far. It’s just a coffee mug and a spoon beside the sink. She had ice cream for dinner.

I’m just fuming about her again today. She brought home pizza for herself. It’s been weeks since she cooked. She smells so bad it literally hurts my head. How does she exist like this and think she is okay?

Of course, I’m just projecting.

Last night I fell asleep frustrated with myself because of the usual. I’m not in control of my own damn self. Self-awareness is a bitch like that. Then I put all of my frustrations into my “roommate basket.” Though, most of those issues are valid. She’s hiding in her room right now, I suspect she is drinking. Which makes sense because she recently got together with Bob. Ms “im over him I can handle it.” Shes not and she can’t. It’s herself that she needs to get over. If it comes up she knows what I will say so it will go something like “I know you don’t think I’m over it but I am.” I was right the last time. Then the time before that. And the one before that one. Etc

Maybe I’m the one who needs a drink. Maybe I need to get laid? That’s how we manage feelings in our 30s right? It would be so easy. With Grindr you can order a slut like a pizza. It’s like scrapping the bottom of the barrel.

I don’t know what the point of today’s entry is. What the point of anything is really.

The last two nights I got a good sleep. At least I slept the way I did before I quit coffee. That was in February, like come on now. My mind didn’t keep me up late. I didn’t sleep in crazy late. 8:30 is my version of crazy late.

Since I started using the foam roller on my hip flexors like my osteopath suggested my foot stopped cramping. I can feel like it’s about to happen but then it just doesn’t. With my homemade cranio cradle I’ve been getting headaches. That’s probably not suppose to happen. I’ll randomly feel blood flowing in my skull at least. Kind of like it’s falling asleep except it feels good.

I did want to do a “spring clean” of the apartment. It gave me a headache though so I was down for the count after. I have no energy but that’s probably just depression. We are officially in the double digits as of today and all of next week, temperature wise.

To get away from the home situation I went to a liquidation store that I recently heard about. Found a couple pieces for my wall. Then I did my usual rounds. Found more stuff. What am I doing with my life?

I decided to start polarizing in comment sections. Just about biblical stuff. It’s Egyptian parentage is so painfully obvious. It’s using theology to teach astrology which teaches metaphysics. I don’t clap back when the antichrists (Christian’s) retort. I let them get ugly and show their true character as I double down on what I’m saying for anyone who might pick up what I’m putting down. These people have severe psychosis. They have too many chromosomes to understand what I’m talking about in general, apparently. But they’re not allowed to think because it makes room for the devil. They’re their own devil. We shouldn’t need to explain to an adult that burning bushes can’t talk, we can’t logistically support two of every animal on an arc, a literal woman did not come from a literal rib, etc. These are all allegories. My favourite response is “I PeRsOnAlLy know Jesus.” Give your head a shake you mentally unstable fuck. They’ve all been personally touched by god while the rest of us are getting touched by their priests. Drag queens are not the ones with molestation insurance, which is a thing. Just saying.

Anyway, if I stop for a second and zoom out I can see that I am in procrastination mode. Not too sure of what. Perhaps a leftover habit that is no longer serving me? I suppose my mind is just desperate to hang on to its illusion of control.

I obviously need to be doing something different. Do lots of thing differently. Think differently, behave differently, do differently.

Anyway, I’ll just eat my soup and watch a movie. If I can’t find anything I will just read a book. I gotta change things up tomorrow.