Sensual reality in Adventures in paradise

I'm still feeling quite zombie-like.

It's a strange feeling at this point of the sickness-rollercoaster. I just feel like I'm conscious, but I'm not. Maybe it's not enough sleep, maybe it's too much.

I went for a very short walk outside today just to go to the corner shop to get something to eat. I needed something to keep me going. I think my stomach gets to a point where it grumbles enough and provides my brain enough of a nausea signal to get some food into it, so, I listened, as the food I have in the house at the moment is pretty much all grabage or rather moreso condiment that go WITH proper food, not food really in itself. The corner shop wasn't much good either. I knew it wouldn't be, as I've lived here long enough to know all the management of the corner stores around here only cater for the snack-heads and have never heard of the word nutrition in their lives. So what did I walk out with? A packet of 250gm Cheerio's and 2 bottles of blue powerade. Seriously, that was probably gonna be the best nutrition I was gonna get out of that place. And it helped. I guess it was a bit of protein and some much needed electrolytes, which was how my mind worked when purchasing.

Tonight however, I bought groceries online. I haven't done that in quite some time, but now's a good of a time as any! So it was a $6 delivery fee but I got $10 off with my staff discount so that works out pretty well. It's being delivered tomorrow afternoon, so hopefully I'll be awake by then.

Yesterday, I couldn't believe it when this group of young people knocked on our door and my housemate answered (as I was bed-ridden, as per usual!) and they asked him if he minded them using the corner of our verandah as a photoshoot location. My housemate cheerily replied, 'Yeah that's totally fine! Go for it!' Now, picture this. My bedroom window looks right out onto this tiny verandah, which is basically the front steps to the house. My blinds are open to let in light and some fresh air. I'm on my bed, out of the covers trying to regulate my body temperature between not overheating nor retreating back into fever-territory, so I'm only in my underwear. Not to mention I'm coughing like a motherfucker, deep-hoarse coughs basically every 30 seconds to minute. There's no way there's photo-people could have not realised or seen what was going on in the room, as I could see them very well! Or rather, I could see the camera lens and them asking each other to pose and whatnot. Their costumes were great and they all seemed like happy people, but seriously? Seriously?? What if I'm in the background (through the open blinds) in the background of their photos??! Not only that, but looking like death-incarnate. Sheesh. Any. Other. Time. Would. Be. Fine. I guess my housemate just didn't think (He's already been a sweety by telling me to let him know if I need anything and he even came home from a party to put the bins out). And I sure as hell wasn't covering up. I felt sick to move as it was. So, if I have inadvertably photo-bombed the background of their photos with my spread-eagle position on my bed in my underwear, then as far as I'm concerned, that's their problem! I just couldn't believe that was happening like 10 meters directly in front of me. I felt like I might as well have stuck my bare ass out the window and/or coughed in their faces.

Today, on my short walk back from the corner shop, I wondered to myself if this is what death is like. I mean, I might as well have been dead this past week. I've done fuck-all to contribute to life. I've had the rug yanked out from beneath me. Sitting on my bed, typing this, I still feel like I'm not even doing it. I'm just SO unbelievably zoned out it's crazy. I've had all my medications lined out on my bed in order of when to take which and I've even put in the calendar in my phone when to take the antibiotic. I just hadto check then to see if I missed taking my 1am one, only to realise there IS no 1am one and I have to wait until 5am, and I can't remember if I even took the one I was meant to at 9pm. Surely. Surely I did? It doesn't seem like it was that long ago that I took one. I'm not gonna take another one just in case.

One of the drag queens I've known around Brisbane for as long as I've been here surprised me by offering to 'give me some relief' last night LOL. I declined. He's a lovely guy but not really my type as a guy or a girl, but I love the work that he does. He said that was cool, then said he's always had a long-term crush on me and not just this one hook-up proposition. Awwwww. I had no idea. He couldn't tell me this 12 years ago? Lol. Back when I was innocent? ^cough^

I managed to shave tonight. Finally. I have never seen so much hair on my face at once in one time! I went from bear back to twink in less than a minute. Haha, yeah right, as if I'm a twink anymore - haven't been one of those in maaaaany years. There is no way I could shave any earlier than today, so it's nice to be able to do something as simple as fucking that again! My facial hair wasn't just growing stubble, it was spreading out into a full-on beard! Errrgh, so not me. So at least I'm smooth again. And I didn't cut myself yay.

Tomorrow night is my final night off working, going by my medical certificate. I hope to God my manager took notice that I wasn't coming in Monday OR Friday like I told him I wasn't. I'm still skeptical that I'll even make it in Saturday night, mainly because of feeling so DOSILE. Zombielike. Whatever-the-word-to-describe-this-is. Like I'll focus on something I don't notice a single thing around that or it'll blur out.
I feel like this fever has completely brainwashed me. Wiped out any common sense or senses I had going for me over a week ago. I have certainly been through a lot. I have more medication coming with my groceries tomorrow, but that's only going to be lameo shit. I can see myself taking another trip down to the pharmacy, if only to get more of this amazing cough-medicine. That's got to be what's making me so dopey. It has to be. I still have a LOT of antibiotic prescription to get through plus my repeat, so I'll probably be feeling pretty dopey for a while yet. I feel dizzy again, going back to lie down, again. :(

I literally forget what a sense of reality feels like.