Another entry. in Since OD is shutting down....

My daughter took a nap so I did dishes again and took a shower. I made dinner and when she woke up, she said she didn’t want it so we got her some takeout instead. I let her know that we aren’t going to be getting fast food as much. I’m spending and not able to replace it so we have to slow down. We don’t need fast food as it is.

I can’t believe that she goes back to school next week. This week has gone by pretty fast already. I have counseling in the morning but it’s over the phone so I won’t have to worry about a sitter. Someone messaged me about setting up an interview but I haven’t responded yet. I will later and hopefully schedule it for next week when my daughter is in school because again, there’s no one to watch her outside of school.

My friend was still trying to talk me into coming there at the start of the week and then the storm hit. He asked me if I had booked a room and I told him no. I hope he understands that I’m not coming back. I know that we’ve talked about me visiting and even moving there but I don’t plan on it until my daughter is older and it’s less likely that I’ll need help with her. He’s always offered for his room mate or boyfriend to watch her but I don’t want anyone watching my kid who’s under the influence of drugs or alcohol and their idea of babysitting is to park a kid in front of a tv and ignore them the entire time.

I know that I’d have all the same problems moving there that I do here and I’m just not really ready to go from bad to potentially way worse. Him and I don’t get along very well and I would hate to get moved down there and have a huge falling out and never speak again or worry about him cursing me out in front of my child all the time. I would constantly be on edge just waiting for shit to pop off and that’s not my idea of a relaxed life.

It’s really obnoxious that he wanted me to drive more than 7 hours to come visit and rent a room knowing there’s no other kids for my daughter to play with so I wouldn’t have any chance to kick back and have a drink because I know that she would be bored out of her mind and he has this thing about just ignoring children and just hoping they’ll entertain themselves. Well, kids get bored and if she’s not having a good time, I wouldn’t either. I would basically just go rent a room so he could have a good time. It’s not like he would even offer to pay for it or chip in because that’s how he is so I’d just waste a bunch of money and miles on my car just to please someone else. I’ve done enough for the ungrateful.

It really irks me that he is completely oblivious to how he’s treated me. I just don’t even understand why the fuck he’d want me to come visit after the last time when he tried to hold me hostage and then told everyone that I was being ‘drama’ even though he was the sole cause of the entire thing!!