Why do I feel so numb? in A day in the life...

My mom comes from a family of five girls. No brothers, just her and four younger sisters. My mom was 18 when she had me so her youngest sister, my aunt Deanne (I call her Deeds) was almost 7 when I was born. I was like a living, breathing babydoll to Deeds and from what I'm told, she was totally enamored with me. We've always been close, especially as I was growing up. She was the one I told all my secrets to, the one I turned to for advice when it came to boys or when I was fighting with a friend. She's really like an older sister to me.

Today when I got up for the day (after falling back asleep after calling work and lying and saying I didn't feel well when really I was just exhausted) there were numerous missed calls from my mom on my cell phone and numerous text messages from her telling me to call her ASAP. There was also a message from my husband telling me I needed to call my mom ASAP. I got scared...I thought it was my granny. Any of you who know me or read me regularly know how close my granny and I are, so I was scared to call my mom back. But I did, and it wasn't the news I expected. Granny is fine...well, as fine as she can be right now. It's Deeds. My awesome, fun, funny, loving, giving "older sister" has cancer. The doctors believe it started out as ovarian cancer and it's already spread to her lymph nodes. I worked in the medical field long enough to know that when it's spread to lymph nodes then that's not good. It's not automatically a death sentence, but it's not good. She's being checked into the hospital today and will be having surgery within the next day or two. After surgery, once the doctors have seen exactly what's what, then a course of action will be decided upon.

I guess my head is having trouble going there because right now I just feel numb inside. I can't cry and I'm having trouble feeling much of anything. Why is that? Is it this stupid medication, or is this just my brain's way of protecting me because it knows I might not be able to handle it very well right now? I'm still having trouble believing it. Deeds can't have cancer...she's too young! She's the life of our family, the non-judgmental one, the understanding one, the calm one...she CAN'T have cancer, she just can't!

God is the great healer and I know without a single doubt in my mind that He can cure her, and that is what I'll be on my knees praying for until it happens. I'm asking all of you here if you'll please do the same? Please, please, please...I can't convey how much I, my family, would appreciate this.

And for any of you who are FB friends, whatever you do, DO NOT post anything on my FB page. That was one thing my mom said Deeds was very adamant about...she does NOT want this posted on Facebook. I can't say I blame her because there are a lot of idiots out there who feed on other people's hurt and devastation.

I wish I could cry...or scream or rage or anything! Anything other than feeling this numb feeling. It still just doesn't seem real.