yeah so. i'm being ignored again. and. i don't like being a rarity. in The Wonderland Years: 2014. Done.

by 2 people. Jessica and evan. which is funny cause evan and I talk all the damn time. [yes we're back on this ride]. oh and my friend Lee. well he's not like. ignoring me he just. didn't have the reaction I wanted him to.

So, w/ Jessica. I feel like she hasn't been paying as much attention to me as I want her to, in general.

But w/ Evan. ok so he's a really sweet guy. but when I told him about what had happened between my mom and I all he said was 'well it could be worse it could be better I really don't know what to say'. um well 'i'm sorry' is good. or 'wow'. or 'if you want to talk i'm here'. I find that hard to believe when people say that. I feel like he's minimizing it which is exactly why I didn't talk about it for so long. it didn't matter enough to be talked about. and now I feel like I wasn't.um. validated like. like he won't be paying enough attention when I bring it up again.

all my life I've always had all the answers. I always knew what to say to people. I just didn't always say it bc I didn't want to say the same thing everyone else already had. and yeah I want others to have all the answers too. but they don't. and in that way i'm a unicorn a rarity. and so I feel lonely. well what if I don't want to be a rarity? not if it means being this lonely. but there's actually nothing I can do about it. and yes I know other people would have a better reaction but i'm not this close to them. they don't know my stuff. so.

I've told him I don't expect him to be perfect. and I don't I just expect him to be better. I know guys aren't big on compassion but I........I mean I just stripped my emotional soul to you and. wow. I thought what i'd just said was enough to warrant a reaction. guess not.

so then maybe it doesn't matter that enough so maybe I should really not talk about it to anyone. oh ok.