It's Late Already.. in The Past

I haven’t wanted to do anything today… haven’t wanted to write, haven’t wanted to work on maile, haven’t wanted to do anything other than sleep. I blame Maili’s house. I don’t sleep well when I’m there, but Mom sleeps really well there… so sometimes I have to take one for the team so that Mom can get a good night’s sleep. That and I wasn’t in the mood to go home last night. So today I spent the day napping and working on maile, no matter how much I didn’t want to do that. I finished my third dragon, the second one is almost finished, I just have to get the tail on it and it’ll be done. But I’ve been working on flowers today too… lots and lots of flowers. I have to go slow on these because the 14 gauge wire makes my hands hurt if I work on it for too long at one time. Or so, that’s my excuse.

Dear gods it’s hot. I’m all sweaty and icky right now. I hate this time of year, i really do. I feel like I have to do more things and get more stuff done since it’s sunny and the like, but the heat turns me into a ball of hate and spite. A nice cold shower would do me wonders, but then I’ll just get hot again unless I shower right before bed. So yeah, when I get ready to go to bed, I’m going to have a nice cold shower and then curl up in bed and sleep.

I don’t know if I’m sleepy yet.

11 more days till Lakefair, 10 more days till my aunt gets here… Maili and Mom are going to end up cleaning the house from top to bottom while I’m at work one day… and I’ll be told if I mess it up, I’ll get beat up. It’s like this every time that my aunt comes to visit. I suck at cleaning things unless it’s scrubbing the bathroom, that I can do most of the time without too much help. I just… organize too much.

Lilly’s medicine is upsetting her tummy. She’s not eating her salad like she usually does and I called the doc to make sure everything was okay with her and they said as long as she eats her hay and her pellets, then everything should be okay. She hates taking her meds though, she cries every time we pick her up and she sees the syringe. Even though we do give her treats to take the nasty taste of the medicine out of her mouth. Some reason I always get the shit work. Every time something needs to be done to the guineas that they hate, I get to do it. I really hate that. I feel like Mom and Court want me to do them so that I’m the one that all the guineas hate and they’re the ones that they go to in order to get cuddled and loved. I know it’s stupid to think that, they’re only animals, but dammit, I hate the fact that I have to be the one they scratch up when they’re getting their baths or I’m the one who has to hold them while we give them medicine so that I’m the bad guy.

I guess parents go through this too, in a way. The whole bad guy / good guy dynamic. In my household, Dad tried to come across as the good guy, by blaming everything on Mom, when it wasn’t her fault or her idea to do things the way they happened. He wanted to be everyone’s friend and it really drove a wedge between me and my sibs, since I always took my Mom’s side, and Maili and Ben always took Dad’s.

He’s gotten into touch with Maili and Ben. Hasn’t said a word to me yet. I don’t know how I feel about that, I mean, I don’t want him to show up out of nowhere and say “Ta da! I’m here!” But I’d like to be acknowledged, if only just by him saying “Hi” or “Happy Birthday.” Then again, I could do the same… I could be the one to break the ice instead of having him do it. Last time we talked, I was still really pissed off that he wouldn’t take any responsibility for what he did and what happened, instead blaming it on Mom and on his illness and a thousand other things. -shakes her head- I don’t know. I really don’t.

Last updated December 24, 2016