I Feel Like... in Me Being Me

I feel like I don’t have a place I can call home and that where I am all I do is pay rent and get really nothing extra except what the basic laws are. Nothing ever gets fixed pproperly and keeps breaking. And when something is fixed it’s all used parts. I know this because there is never any warrenty that I need to fill out so if something goes wrong it can be fixed. And everytime I look around here I still see the things that need to get fixed become worse and then it will cost more to fix and because I have no say or no rights when I say something needs to get fixed I am told it’s not a big deal and it doesn’t need to be fixed.
And it’s come to the point where I am not even listed to and told no. I don’t mind being told but I also like to know the reason for it. And I am not told and it’s always “because I don’t want to fix it or I can’t afford to fix it” And I am told that I don’t pay enough rent but then that isn’t my fault because the landlady hasn’t raised my rent in more then 10 years and that isn’t right. I don’t mind paying more rent but I think I should get what needs to be fixed done. And even the cheap things are not getting done and that bothers me even more.
I wish there was someone who could come out here and see what needs to be fixed and force the landylady to fix it or she would loose the income from me and then she would never rent again. But there are no such people that do that.
And it seems that evryday I wake up cold my happy mood always turns into a swearing conversations and I am telling her she is a fucking bitch and an abuser. And then I start to over think and think that what needs to get fixed will just get worse. And so far I see things getting worse but she still says it’s not a big deal. I can hardly wait till the crack in the laundry room turns into a sink hole and then that would be really funny.
I wish I wasn’t so angry and so depressed and that I can learn to care less about the landlady and have some karma kick her in her ass hole and then I can say “I told you so” But waiting for karma takes a life time and I am getting really tired of waiting. Maybe if she had the same issues that needed to be fixed in “her home upstais” then maybe she would be more willing to fix everything. I really hate myself for having this attitde and I just wish she would be more thoughtful and actually fix things. And with the attitude I have I see no sence to clean anything because I figure it will just need cleaning again and if things are still brooken what is the point?

Onto something else…
I made that roast yesterday for dinner and it turned out really well and there are lots of left overs so hubby said he will take some tomorrow for lunch at work and whatever is left after Thurday he will finish for Friday’s dinner.
And tonights dinner will be chicken and rice and a fresh vegetable.

Onto something else…

I got some new stuff for my bed… New Matress pad, New Sheets,New Pillows , New blanket and a New comfortor and now my bed is nice and warm and the sheets are nice and soft and everything is the perfect color. And my bed looks warm.
And all of my sons boirthday presents came so I just need to ask him what Sunday he wants to come over for his birthday dinner.

Onto something else…

I am going to try to do some laundry but I am worried that the water will start leaking again but I am not going to say anything to the landlady because I am not talking to her anymore. I have absolutly nothing to say to her,unless she comes to the door without informing me of when. And so far she has phoned twice and hubby talked to her and told him that there was a package for us. I think it would have been easier to just bring the package and put it on the table near my door, or should I say her door.

Onto something else…
I will stop here…
Do have a great day…
Be Kind, Be Calm, Be Safe and Behave.

Last updated March 14, 2023